


ask me to stay

by ashleygail



Series: semi charmed life universe [1]
Category: IT (2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe- High School, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Bullying, Externalized homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Slowburn Relationships, Timeline 1990s
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2019-11-28 22:27:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 36,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18214487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashleygail/pseuds/ashleygail
Summary: “Your lip is all busted,” Eddie said, as though pointing out that Richie’s lips were injured would somehow make it okay that Eddie was paying attention to them. Richie’s hand came up, long fingers wrapping around Eddie’s tiny wrist, and he gently guided Eddie’s touch away.Eddie finally wrenched his eyes away from Richie’s lips and met his best friend’s gaze. There was a softness there that he rarely got to see, not even the smallest hint of teasing or joking there. It was just Richie, just Richie looking at him and Eddie looking back. For a single moment, it was just Richie and Eddie alone in the world. Nothing to bother them, nothing to live up to.[or: the year is 1994, and Eddie Kaspbrak is in love.]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I've deleted this and re-uploaded this fic twice because I keep going back and tweeking at it. Deciding on how long I want the parts to be, how I want to proceed with the story, etc.
> 
> This is the official final edition of the first chapter, and I'm much more confident in the story now! Thank you for your patience, ily <3

The final bell rang through the class, and it took every inch of self control that Eddie Kaspbrak had not to toss the papers on his desk up in the air and cry out with joy. Richie Tozier, it seemed, had much less self control than Eddie did- and Eddie had Richie’s papers landing on his desk and Richie’s shouts in his ears.

“ _ Mr  _ Tozier,” Ms Campbell, their junior AP English teacher, gave him a long withering look but Eddie could see her fighting off a smile. Richie seemed to be the only person in the world who’d mastered annoying and amusing somebody at the same time. “I can still give you detention for this afternoon.”

Richie gave her a small half smile. “But I’m pretty sure that you’re just as excited as I am to get out of here, so you probably won’t.”

Richie Tozier was all things that a good girls’ daddy would warn them about. His hair never laid flat on his head, and his clothes were always rumbled with wild patterns and mix-matched styles. He still forced his feet into the same pair of Dock Martens from freshman year, even after growing up them back at the beginning of the year, and it gave him a permanent skip in his step. He wore braces on his teeth even at sixteen years old, and the grudging white women down at the salon always seemed to have something bad to say about the Tozier family.

Eddie wasn’t like Richie. It sometimes felt like Eddie’s mother still dressed him, even if he technically chose out his own outfits every morning. Eddie Kaspbrak was similar to Richie in one way; he was also the kind of boy that men didn’t want around their daughters. No man wanted their daughter running around with a boy who dressed like a faggot. Eddie may not choose his clothes, but that didn’t make all of their claims untrue.

Ms Campbell shook her head, fully smiling now. “Get out of here, Richard.”

Richie let out another excited noise, slightly quieter this time, and grabbed hold of Eddie’s hand. Eddie barely had enough time to grab up his own things before Richie was dragging him from the building. He seemed to not have any regard for his own belongings that were scattered all over the classroom. Eddie had known Richie Tozier for pretty much as long as he could remember. A real sandbox love, and Richie had been this obnoxious ever since Eddie could remember. Richie had been a messy child, loud, and Eddie’s mother had forbid him at four years old to ever see the boy again. Being friends with Richie Tozier had been the first time Eddie had ever disobeyed his mother, and every time since had been Richie inspired.

Richie openly pranced into the hallway, slipping and high fiving some random person that Eddie barely recognized. He looked ridiculous in his too small boots, and jean overall matched with a Hawaiian print shirt that lost what little fashion cred it had back in the early 80s. Richie quickly returned to Eddie’s side, tossing an arm around his friend shoulder and pulling Eddie into his side. “Eds, my love, I have a feeling that this is going to be the best  summer of our lives. I can feel it in my  _ bones.” _

“Don’t  _ call _ me that, dick,” Eddie shoved at Richie, but not enough that they actually broke contact or that Richie would pull away. Richie just grinned down at him. “You say that about last summer and then I spent the whole six weeks with a  cast on my wrist.  _ Thanks to you,  _ I might add. So, sorry if I maybe don’t take your word for it.”

“Eds…” Richie sighed, shaking his head. “I’m telling you. This is the summer of Losers.”

Richie dropped his arm from around Eddie’s shoulder and skipped towards the doors to freedom. Eddie slowed his steps and watch Richie move, a small smile growing on his cheeks.

→  → →

Beverly Marsh tucked her hands into the pockets of the much oversized jean jacket that she’d stolen from Richie, and watched Bill Denbrough upend his pack into the green garbage can outside the school. She was pretty sure at least three calculators and an actual full-sized novel fell out and into the garbage, but she didn’t make a peep.

“Don’t you think you’re going to need those things?” Ben Hanscom asked as he approached. Ben had always been a cute kid, Beverly remembered when they first met in the seventh grade. He had been, for a lack of better word, fat. He’d hit a good growth spurt the year before, and gone out for the football team with Mike Hanlon in sophomore year and it had slimmed him out a little bit. His sandy brown hair still flopped all over his face, and his cheeks still pushed out with chub, and Beverly wouldn’t have had any other way. She would never tell anybody, but she thought that out of all her friends Ben Hanscom was her favourite.

Bill Denbrough looked up and smiled. This past year, Bill had started letting his hair grow out and it now tickled at the back of his neck, and fell well into his eyes. Richie hadn’t yet managed to convince Bill to tuck it back into a ponytail, and Beverly often wondered how Bill even saw. He glanced down at the bag, seeming to think about it for a moment, then tossed the whole bag into the garbage behind his belongings.

Mike walked up to them, still wearing his red-and-white letterman jacket that Ben would never be seen wearing outside of game days, and grinned. Mike Hanlon was definitely the nicest jock that Beverly had ever met in her life. The Hanlons were on the of only black families in the very town of Derry, Maine and they lived out of the outskirts on a beautiful farm. Beverly practically lived out there when she could. Mike had been homeschooled through their elementary school days, and she’d only known him through reputation until then. He’d fit right in their little group of Losers immediately, and they’d all been inseparable since.

“That was overkill, Billy, don’t you think?” Beverly asked, pulling out the package of cigarettes from the pocket of the jacket and lighting one up. She supposed technically they were Richie’s, but she told herself that Richie would never have started smoking if it hadn’t been for her, so that made them partly hers. “You really didn’t need to throw out the whole bag, dude.”

“I don’t want to th-th-think about school for the next s-s-six weeks!” Bill announced, cheeks turning pink the way they always did when his stutter came through. It was remarkably better than it was when they were children- the speech therapy his parents had been taking him to Portland was working wonders- but it seemed to slip through just often enough that he couldn’t quite live down the nickname of “Mush Mouth.”

“That doesn’t mean you’re not going to need that stuff next year, man,” Ben said with a laugh. In the past few months, it had seemed that Ben Hanscom had been trying pretty hard to give himself a newer image. His sentences got shorter, he’s words got rougher, and his little black notebooks stopped appearing in his hands. Beverly figured that he was still writing poetry- or at least, she hoped he was- but Ben had effectively been shutting himself out the last few weeks.

“What are we talking about?” Richie’s voice carried over to them, wrapping an arm around Beverly and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. Junior year had done wonders to Richie’s height factor, springing him up almost a foot and prompting him to finally catch up to the other boys in their grade.

“Bill here thinks that because the school year is over that he can just throw out all of this stuff from this year- backpack included.” Ben informed Richie, reaching into his own bag and tossing the curly-haired boy a PEZ dispenser that had Daffy Duck from the Loonie Toons on it.

Richie caught it without concern, grinning a little sheepishly as Eddie Kaspbrak came up to them. He was a little wheezy from trying to keep up to Richie’s larger steps, but had that same mischievous grin on his face that he always did. “That’s nothing,” Eddie said with a cocky wiggle of his eyebrows. “ _ Richard  _ here tossed all his shit up into he air once the bell rang like they were graduation caps, and then left them laying around the classroom.”

Beverly and Mike burst out laughing in the same moment, turning Richie’s slightly embarrassed grin to the genuine smile that always came out his friends laughing. Eddie looked at Richie’s smile, and the sound of Bev and Mike’s laughing sort of dimmed in his ears.

“Where the hell is Stanley?” Bill finally asked, looking around as the court yard quickly emptied around them. Most days the courtyard would be filled for hours after school let out, with clubs and teams all loitering around for meetings, but nobody wanted to stand around on school property once summer had officially started. “It’s not like him to be late.”

“He had a meeting with the counsellor after school, said it wouldn’t take long.” Richie said, popping out three of candies and popping them into his mouth.

“Probably discussing a way to get Stan valedictorian over you,” Mike said with a smirk. Richie clicked his tongue and winked at him.

Eddie’s gaze moved towards the loud rumbling of a certain Chevy truck that was moving down the road towards the school and his chest hitched. “Oh, shit. Incoming.”

Beverly groaned, quickly reaching down to tighten the laces on her combat boots. “Don’t they ever get tired of harassing innocents?”

“Nah,” Richie said, looking towards the truck with the few expression of true disgust that he owned. “People never get tired of the things that get them off. Why did you think I spend so much of my time picking fights with Eddie’s mom?”

“Oh my GOD!” Eddie squeaked, whacking Richie on the air. “You’re so fucking gross, Tozier, I swear-“

“Okay, we gotta move,” Mike said suddenly, reaching out and taking hold of Bill’s arm. Bill had already squared his shoulders, readying up for the fight as he always did at the sight of Henry Bowers and his gang. It was sometimes like there was a tiny part of Bill’s soul that burned for getting his ass handed to him by bullies twice his weight.

“What about Stan?” Eddie asked hesitantly, glancing back at the building. The last thing Eddie wanted was to be caught in any sort of altercation with the Bowers gang that he’d so carefully avoided since they’d graduated from Derry High the year before but he also wasn’t the type to leave a man behind.

“Don’t worry about it,” Richie said, patting Beverly between her shoulder blade and ushering her towards Ben. “Patty boy and I have an understanding. You guys just get out of here.”

Eddie’s chest clenched slightly, and he noticed the same panic settled over Beverly’s face. “Babe, we can all go. We don’t even know how long Stan is going to be in there, we don’t know that they’ll even still be around when he’s done.”

“I don’t know,” Richie said in a voice sung with false confidence. “I’ve sort of missed them. It would nice to have a reunion with our old pals.”

“You’re on your own feeling that way,” Mike said with a nervous laugh. The truck was approaching rather quickly, and he pressed an arm around Beverly’s shoulder. She ushered her away, Ben right on their heels. The truck started to honk, and Eddie squeezed Richie’s wrist before taking off after the others. Richie turned slightly, making eye contact with Bill, who grinned back at him. Richie lowered his hand slightly, and Bill met it with a low five.

Patrick Hockstetter was jumping out the passenger door before the truck had even skidded to a stop. His black hair was longer and greasier than Richie remembered it being, and his clothes looked like they hadn’t been washed since the last time they’d seen him. His boots were caked in mud, and it was  _ definitely  _ the same flannel that had once been oversized. He grinned at them wolfishly, actually going as far as to lick his lips. “Well, well,” Patrick said with a chirp. “If it isn’t my two favourite Losers. Where are the rest of your gang?”

“Oh, haven’t you heard?” Richie asked, raising his brow and matching Patrick smirk for smirk. “Seems the end of days has finally come. Everybody else was raptured up to Gods playground and we’re the only poor bastards left on Earth.”

Bill snorted and tucked his hands into the back pockets of his jeans. As Patrick limbered closer, Richie realized that he was actually the same height now and he couldn’t control the pride that settled in his chest.

Henry and the other two minions that mattered a whole lot less all came strutting out of the truck and towards them. “Huh-huh-huh-huh-hey buh-buh-buh-Billy,” Henry Bowers exaggerated stuttered as he approached. It was weak and overused means of teasing, but it still made Bill clenched his fist and grind his jaw. “You guys all alone here?”

Richie exhaled hard, with an overdramatic roll of his eyes. “We’ve been over this. If you’re going to show up late, at least have the courtesy to be quiet.”

“Oh, Trashmouth Tozier is telling me to be quiet? That’s rich.” Henry stepped towards Richie, a good several inches shorter now. For the first time in his life, Richie Tozier felt he might have the upper hand in a situation. Until Patrick opened his mouth again.

“Hey, Tozier, where’s you’re little fairy friend?” Patrick slurred over to him. Richie’s posture stiffened and he heard Bill let in a small inhale behind him. “I wanted to give him a  _ special  _ hello if you catch my drift.”

Richie saw Patrick grabbing at his crotch from the corner of his eye, and forced a smile onto his face. “You know what I love about bigots.” Richie said, forcing laughter into his voice. He could practically feel Bill vibrating behind him. Richie turned quickly from Henry to Patrick, socking the bully directly in the nose. “Nothing.”

“OH SHIT!” Bill shouted behind Richie, grabbing at his friend’s arm and pulling. Richie stumbled slightly as they took off in the opposite direction of the school.

_ I picked the wrong day to wear shoes that don’t fit,  _ Richie thought to himself. He could hear the angry shouts of Patrick and his buddies as they chased the two of them through the crowded Derry Park. Richie took a running jump over the park bench, and laughed breathlessly when he heard the distinct thud of Belch Huggins running into it.

Bill took a sharp left and slid underneath the singing out legs of a child on the swing, and nearly fell when he heard Vic Criss shout when the girls feet landed directly in his face. Glancing over his shoulder, he watched Hockstetter mad dive forward and tackle Richie into the sandbox. Wincing, Bill turned away as Patrick began to rub Richie’s face into the sand.

“You ever going to learn to watch that fucking trashmouth of yours?” Patrick growled at him, pressing his face angrily against the dirt. Richie flailed, but he knew it was no use. He and Patrick may be nearing each other in height these days, but Patrick had always had superiority upper body strength. Or really, all types of strength except possibility intelligential but given his recent actions- maybe even there. “Always been a problem for you, hasn’t it, Tozier? Never, never learn.”

Richie could dimly hear how Henry and the rest of the goons were cheering Patrick on, but he was pretty sure he was getting sand in his eyes at the moment so he couldn’t make out any words. Patrick’s words, he could still hear nearly clear as day. “Are you really this stupid? Is that what this is? Or is it because I made fun of your fairy friend there? You protective of little Kaspbrak?” Richie thrashed all the harder, even though he knew that it was only going to make things worse for him in the end. “Oh, ho ho! Did I hit a nerve, Tozier? Should I go find him, maybe? Do you think that you could save him from me?”

Richie managed to push himself onto his back, fighting at Patrick’s chest and trying to blink through the sand that had settled all of his over face. Patrick was grinning down at him and there was something hard that was  _ not  _ a knee pressing into Richie’s side, but he couldn’t think about that right now. It seemed like Henry was gone- bad news for Billy – but Richie had to focus on Patrick right now. He’d take the most brutal beating Patrick Hockstetter had in him if it meant that he’d leave Eddie alone.

Patrick was practically drooling, so if that was any sign to what Richie was in for then this was going to be a long couple minutes. Richie spit out a mouthful of playground- possibly peed in, oh god, was there pee in this? – at Patrick and scowled up at him. “Why don’t fucking pick on somebody your own size, Hockstetter? Afraid to loose?”

“Last I saw, Tozier.” Patrick’s breath smelled like the worst kind of mixture of marijuana and the Orangesicile smoothie down at the Prince’s on main. Richie’s stomach churned, and he had to fight not to turn his face away. “We are the same size.”

Richie’s last thought before Patrick’s fist came falling towards his face was- predictably-  _ fuck.  _ He didn’t know how long it went on, could have only been a few minutes but it easily could have been hours. But the next thing he knew, Patrick was pulling back and kicking at Richie’s side. Richie groaned and curled into himself.

“Be seeing you, Tozier.”

Richie laid there for a short moment before Bill seemed to appear from thin air and help him up to his feet. “You’re a piece of shit friend, you know that, right?” Richie groaned, pulling on the sleeve of his shirt to wipe at the blood underneath his nose. “Just let ‘em beat me.”

He wasn’t serious, and Bill’s laugh sounded that he knew it. “Hey. N-not all of us are guh-g-gonna go Huh-huh-Hulk to defend suh-suh-somebody who isn’t even h-h-here.” Bill said, letting Richie move to stand on his own. “P-p-pick your b-b-battles, Rich.”

“I pick plenty of battles,” Richie shot back, winking at Bill even thought it definitely hurt his rapidly bruising eye. Bill rolled his eyes.

“Pick fewer battles, Richie.”

→  → →

Eddie rubbed his hands together, and looked up out the window of the Denbrough’s kitchen. Eddie had always thought it was weird how Bill’s kitchen faced out onto the street, growing up neither his, Richie nor Stan’s had been placed that way, but he was thankful for it right now. Every year on the last day of school, starting way back in the second grade, they had always had a sleepover at Denbrough’s house to celebrate the start of summer. Throughout the years, the sleepover had gotten larger, then smaller again last year when Bev’s aunt had deemed it inappropriate for her to be sleeping over with so many boys.

Eddie was fretting, and he knew it. Bill and Richie weren’t back yet, and it had caused a deep anxiety to settle itself in his gut. It had been nearly a year since Eddie Kaspbrak had needed to use his inhaler, and it had been three years since he- with the help of Richie’s overly enthusiastic support – had started weening himself off it. At thirteen, Mr Keene down at the pharmacy had told him that all of his medication were actually falsehoods brought up by his mother. Misted water and sugar pills, all of them. It had broken Eddie, for a long time. He was sure that he’d never be the same person again, that he would never  _ trust  _ the same way again. He was better now, stronger he believed, but if Richie and Bill didn’t show up soon- Eddie might regret not bringing his inhaler.

"Why don’t you wake outside, Eddie?” Georgie Denbrough asked from he kitchen table where he seemed to be doing some sort of homework despite school being over for the term. “It’s the perfect kind of summer night you love. The kind where you have to wear a sweater.”

Eddie smiled softly. Bill had been complaining for the last few months that Georgie had become a pain in the ass, going through some sort of angst-y teenager phase that was annoying to Bill and his parents alike, but Eddie had never seen that sort of behaviour from him. Anytime Eddie was around, Georgie seemed like the same sweet child to Eddie.

Eddie picked up his hoodie from the couch on his way outside, nodding at Stan and Ben who were sitting on the couch. He walked out the front door and hummed to himself as the soft summer wind hit his face. There was a chill to it, but Eddie sort of like the sting it brought to his skin.

He walked across the Denbrough’s lawn, that was sort of getting a little overgrown and no doubt Bill would be roped into mowing in within the next few days. He looked up to the big maple tree on the front of the lawn, and grinned to himself. A good hundred times a year, Eddie could have to yell at Richie to get out of it before he’d hurt himself. Last summer, he’d finally let Richie convinced him to go tree climbing with him- and it hadn’t been a normal sized maple in their friend’s front yard.

“I made soup.” Bev and Mike both startled and looked down at Eddie.

“What did you make soup for?” Beverly asked, still giggling slightly and Eddie shook his head. Richie and Beverly had been together so long that Eddie could barely remember that days before their relationship. Dim memories of believing that Bev and Ben were going to be together, even dimer ones of the days when Bev and Bill were childhood sweethearts. Yet, sometimes Eddie believed that he knew Richie better than Beverly ever even tried. But maybe that was just wishfully thinking.

So Eddie just shrugged, and contemplated it for only a second before scaling up the tree himself. He wiggled himself in between Mike and the trunk, looking down at the ground a little nervously.

“It’s not that high,” Mike said with a small smile. “Don’t worry.”

Eddie cast him a dark look, frowning deeply. “Last time somebody said that to me, I broke my fucking arm.”

“I…” Mike cleared his throat then nodded. “Okay, yeah. That definitely happened.”

“Why are you guys in the tree?” Stan called up to them, Ben standing beside him. Stan had shown up at the Denbrough’s house not long after the rest of the Losers had gotten there. He’d been quiet since he’d gotten there, more so than usually, and kept worrying his bottom lip. He hadn’t given up any sort of information about his meeting with the guidance counsellor, and Stanley Uris wasn’t the kind of person you pushed. (Unless you were Richie Tozier, who pushed everybody.)

“We’re waiting for Bill and Richie,” Eddie and Beverly answered in unison. They quickly pointed at each other and shouted “JINX!” and then burst out laughing. Mike smiled and looked back out to the street, tuning out Eddie and Bev’s continue attempt at jinx through their giggles. He saw Bill and Richie making their ways down the street before anybody else, and Richie wasted no time coming forward and slapping Stan on the shoulder.

The boy looked a little worse for wear, dirt and blood streaked on his cheeks, eye already seeming to be bruising. But he was smiling none the less, a regular old Tozier grin, and he looked up at his friends in the tree. “Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!”

Beverly giggled but Eddie jumped out the tree as though he had some sort of Spider Man powers and  _ hadn’t  _ just been fretting about the height. Mike crinkled his brow, as Beverly jumped down from his other side.

Eddie touched the cuts on Richie’s cheeks and his lips tugged down in a worried frown. “What the hell happened to you?” He asked in harsh words that didn’t match the concerned tone of voice.

“Patrick beat him up in the sandbox.” Bill came practically skipping up onto the lawn. “It was like being seven again, which i-i-isn’t something I thought I n-n-n-needed but I really enjoyed.”

Richie scoffed and rolled his eyes. “The only thing  _ you  _ enjoyed, Denbrough, was chatting up that weird newspaper girl in the park.”

“That’s n-n-not true,” Bill challenged, but the flushing of his cheeks implied that it was at least a little bit true. “I also enjoyed you p-p-p-punching P-P-Patrick.”

Richie grinned and nodded but Eddie let out a horrified squeak. “You  _ punched  _ Patrick? Have you lost your absolute goddamn mind, Richard? What could be  _ possibly  _ say that would make you do something so stupid?”

Richie and Bill exchanged a quick look between the two of them, almost a silent conversation, before Richie was reaching out and ruffling up Eddie’s meticulously styled hair. “Awe, don’t you worry about it, Eds. Just trust that he deserved it.”

“Of course he deserves it,” Eddie snapped but he was starting to smile. “Doesn’t mean you should be stupid enough to actually do it. Now, come on. Let’s get those scratches cleaned before you get an infection and they have to cut your dumbass head off.”

Richie wrapped an arm around Beverly and grinned as Eddie pulled him towards the house by his hand. “Did you at least make soup? You know I love soup after getting my ass handed to me.”

→  → →

Richie was rested on the Denbroughs kitchen counter, as Eddie rummaged through the cupboards and complained about how ill stalked it was. Mike chuckled into his bowl of soup, knowing that all Richie really needed was a some soap and hot water. Toss the lanky boy into the shower, and he’d be good as new.

He turned to where Ben and Beverly were both sitting, talking quietly to each other and seemingly blind to Eddie’s frantics not three feet away from them. They all snapped to attention as Bill and Stan came into the room. They both seemed a little knocked off kilter and Mike felt concern settle into his gut at the sight of them.

He didn’t seem to be the only one, Richie shifting to sit up straighter on counter. “What happened, dudes?”

“Somebody is m-m-m-moving into the old Gr-gr-Gray house.” Bill stumbled through his words. “A f-f-family, I guess. There was a g-g-girl…”

Richie waggled his eyebrows and grinned deeply. “A girl, yeah? Is she hot?”

Beverly grabbed one of the bread rolls off the dining room table and wiped at Richie, nailing right in the head, at the same time that Eddie whipped him with the dish cloth in his heads. Richie yelped, rubbing at his arm and pouting. “DAMN! Forgive a man for asking a damn question.”

“You’re not a man,” Stan told him dryly. “You’re an extremely tall, skinny infant that was somehow cursed with the ability to speak.”

Richie blew him a kiss, and Stan rolled his eyes with the tiniest hint of a smile playing on his lips. Stan moved over to reached past Eddie to the rubbing alcohol that was on a shelf just out of Eddie’s tiptoe’d reach. Eddie tried to force himself to sound grateful as he accepted it.

He moved back to Richie and took his chin between his hands. Looking the marks over. It wasn’t as bad as it had looked outside, a singular black eye and some scraping on the side of his cheek. Richie had winced when he’d jumped onto the counter, which likely meant his ribs were bruised but Eddie saw no point in fussing with them just now. Richie had been walking fine, so they weren’t broken.

He still couldn’t help but frown as he dabbed Richie’s cuts with the rubbing alcohol. Richie let out a louder cry than was necessary, and Eddie gave him an unimpressed look. “Aren’t you getting a little old to be running around getting into fights?”

“Aren’t they a little old to still be beating up kids?” Richie challenged with a smirk that quickly turned into a wince as Eddie dabbed at his slit lip.

“Your lip is all busted,” Eddie said, as though pointing out that Richie’s lips were injured would somehow make it okay that Eddie was paying attention to them. Richie’s hand came up, long fingers wrapping around Eddie’s tiny wrist, and he gently guided Eddie’s touch away.

Eddie finally wrenched his eyes away from Richie’s lips and met his best friend’s gaze. There was a softness there that he rarely got to see, not even the smallest hint of teasing or joking there. It was just Richie, just Richie looking at him and Eddie looking back. For a single moment, it was just Richie and Eddie alone in the world. Nothing to bother them, nothing to live up to.

Then Bill’s voice broke through and shattered the moment, and Eddie tried not to be annoyed. As soon as the moment was over, Eddie had to question if there had even been a moment at all. “Did you m-m-manage to convinced your aunt to let you stay, Bev?” Bill asked, no doubt knowing what the answer would be. Almost immediately after Beverly’s fifteenth birthday, sleepover with the boys permission had been yanked. Eddie wasn’t sure what her aunt been trying to stop from occurring, as Beverly already been dating Richie for years. It certainly wasn’t stopping her from having sex, if Richie’s jokes were anything to go by, and Eddie knew from personal experience that if Richie wanted into somebody’s house… he got in.

“Nah,” Beverly responded with an eye roll. “Got her to let up and extend my curfew. 12:30. Which means if I’m not home by 1, I’m dead meat.”

“I’ll walk you home, babe.” Richie said, popping his lips. He dropped his hand, letting Eddie’s wrist fall from his grip and down to Eddie’s side. His skin was cold where Richie’s touch had just been and it felt him feeling unsettled.

Stan scoffed from where he was leaning against the counter at Richie’s side. “Please, Tozier. We’d have to be way more concerned about you out in the night than Bev.”

Richie pouted for a moment before breaking into a large grin. “Okay, then Eddie and I will both walk Bev, and my Eds will make sure we both make it back here to Billy’s safe and sound.”

“Don’t call me Eds!” Eddie snapped, ignoring just all too many things lately. “And who the fuck said I agreed to that? Why would I leave a perfectly comfortable house to go baby-sit your ass in the middle of the night?”

“Because you love me?” Richie suggested with a toothy grin. Eddie pursed his lips together to keep back his smile. There had never really been any doubt that Eddie was going to walk with Richie and Bev, and he tried to ignore the little thrill it gave them that Richie was inviting him along when he easily could have been using it as an excuse to be alone with his girlfriend. He cursed himself for being so weak.

“Oh, Eddie, don’t bother pretending.” Stan said, waggling his eyes at Eddie from Richie’s other side. “We know you’re going to do it.”

Eddie stuck his tongue out at his friend and tried to ignore how he was flushing right down the back of his neck. Richie squeezed his eyes shut and leaned closer so that Eddie could resume wiping at his face.

It didn’t help Eddie’s whole  _ blushing  _ issue.

→  → →

The dark streets were a comfort to Richie. He’d always preferred night over day, it made him free in a way that he could never been when the sun brought light down on all of his actions. He could more himself at night. He could put down his walls, remove his false face and be just a little bit more true.

Not very many got to see how Richie got under the darkness of Derry’s street. Derry felt endlessly safer at night, when the peering and judgment eyes of his snobby neighbours had gone to bed. Sure, he had to worry about Henry and his goons but he had to worry about them just as much in the light of the day so it couldn’t be a bother to him.

He looped an arm around Eddie’s shoulder as he guided him down and away from Beverly’s house. It wasn’t the best part of town to be hanging around in, he knew that, and it was far from where you wanted to get yourself stranded or cornered. And even so…

“I don’t want to go back yet,” Richie said, quieter than he would usually speak. It just felt a little wrong to be breaking the soft stillness of the night. He felt Eddie stiffen for a moment, before he learned into Richie’s touch. “Let’s go to the Quarry.”

“I am  _ not  _ swimming in the middle of night!” Eddie squawked, a little predictably. Richie chuckled, squeezing Eddie’s shoulder to keep him from pulling away when he felt his friend start to squirm. ”Don’t laugh at me, jackass! Even if it’s kind of warm out, you can still get pneumonia! And die! Do you want to die?”

Richie pursed his lips, shaking his head a little bit. “Can’t say I want to die right at this moment. Ask me again tomorrow, maybe.” He could feel Eddie’s startled and concerned expression pouring into them and Richie wanted to shut this possible emotional moment down before it started. “I didn’t mean swimming, Eds. Let’s just go and... sit at the end of the world for a while.”

Richie glanced down at Eddie, finally, and found his best friend looking back up at him with an expression that Richie couldn’t read. Eddie seemed to realize that Richie was trying to get inside his head, because he wiped the look from his face and replaced it with a soft smile. “That’s pretty profound, Richard. What are you thinking?” 

That was the question, wasn’t it? What  _ was  _ Richie thinking? God, wouldn’t it be so much easier if he knew. As it was, Richie was more confused now than when they first introduced Algebra into his life. Sighing, he kept his arm around Eddie’s shoulder and guided him to walk towards the Quarry in the opposite direction of Bill’s house. Eddie slipped away from Richie’s hold, and they walked side-by-side, not touching, the rest of the way. Richie supposed that it should have been awkward, but it wasn’t. It was never awkward with Eddie, always comfortable. 

They hiked up the cliff and moved to sit with their legs dangling over the edge. Richie tilted his head back to stare up at the stars- always more visible out here than anywhere within town. He wanted to put his arm back around Eddie, missing the warm weight under him. He’d learned better, though, in the past few years. He’d stopped chasing Eddie after the boy pulled away, knowing it often only lead to a fight. There was only a few times that Eddie would pull back but want back under Richie’s touch- and he always made it clear. 

Like now, when he pressed up against Richie’s side when they were settled and seated. Richie pressed his lips together sharply to hold back his smile, and let his arm drop around Eddie’s shoulders once more. “I’m thinking of breaking up with Beverly,” Richie blurted out in a typical-Tozier fashion. Eddie blinked at him, tilting his head back. 

“What? Why?” Eddie didn’t sound as though he felt one way or another about it. Or maybe he did, and he wasn’t letting it show. Didn’t make Richie feel any better, and it sure as hell didn’t give him an answer to Eddie’s question. 

“Why?” Richie asked with a bit of a nervous chuckle. Then he hummed, scratching the back of his neck with his free hand. “Why… I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about it for a while, I guess? I’ve been with Beverly so long, and I never really… planned on it at all. We just kissed at that party, and suddenly- you know? Bev and Rich. Rich and Bev. And it’s been… years, yeah? And I just… I don’t know if I see myself being with Beverly for the rest of my life.”

Eddie was looking at Richie very seriously, a little softly, and Richie could get lost his Eddie’s eyes in this moment. And he felt a little guilty about it, and he had to look away. “Like, I love her. Obviously. But I don’t know if I’m… actually  _ in love  _ with her. You know? Sometimes it just feels wrong.”

Eddie swallowed loudly enough that Richie could hear him. For a long moment, it was just the two of them breathing. So close together that they shared air, and Richie’s heart was thrumming with anxiety. “You need to do whatever makes you happy, Rich.”

Rich just hummed, and dropped his head down on top of Eddie’s and stared back out to the endless water.


	2. Chapter 2

Eddie braced himself for hitting the ground, barely feeling the the impact within his ankles. Richie grinned at him as Eddie straightened up to stand. “You get braver everyday, Eds.” **  
**

It wasn’t true, but Eddie smiled anyway. Ever since that night up at the Quarry, things had changed between the Losers. Eddie wasn’t sure if Richie had ended things with Beverly or not, didn’t think it was hit place to ask Richie, but it made him unsure of how to act around Beverly. Richie and Beverly seemed to be spending less time together, but Richie had always had a bad habit of distancing himself whenever he was going through something. It was a toxic trait that Eddie wished Richie could grow out of, but he only seemed to fall more into himself as he got older.

Richie let out an overly loud sigh, staring up at the sky and letting the sun hit his face. Eddie loved the way the sunlight made his freckles look golden, and hated himself for it. Richie’s bruises from his run-in with Patrick were almost faded, and his lips were back to drawing Eddie’s attention simply for gay  reasons. It was truly summer at least, and summer always meant the Denbrough’s lakehouse launch party.

”Your mom is letting you go this year, right?” Richie asked as though he could read Eddie’s mind. “Because it always blows major dick when you aren’t there.”

“Do you actually blow on it?” Eddie asked, turning to Richie with wide eyes. “Your dick, during blowjobs… because that doesn’t sound good, it sounds awful.” Richie was wiggling his eyebrows and Eddie immediately regretted ever opening his mouth. “Oh my god, no, shut up. Don’t even….”

“Come on, Eds.” Richie said, with over-exaggerated sleeze. “We can find out.”

Eddie shoved at Richie roughly, so that his friend stumbled and fell down into the grass, laughing. “Beep fucking beep.” Eddie stared angrily down at Richie for a moment, momentarily annoyed at how his friend cackled before the laughter made Eddie’s chest warm as it always did. He held his hand up and helped hoist Richie back to his feet. Their hands were lowered to their sides, but they stayed joined. The inside of Eddie’s body was warm.

“You didn’t answer my questions,” Richie pointed out, smiling a little softly down at Eddie. He cursed Richie’s growth spurt from the past year, he truly did. Through seventh grade until junior year, Eddie and Richie had nearly been neck and neck in height, along with Beverly. The three of them had regularly been the shortest Losers, the three of them constantly bouncing back and forth within height ranking so frequently that you could almost never tell who was taller. Until this last summer, when Richie had come back from staying with his aunts at the end of August nearly four inches taller than Eddie and Bev. Neither of them had gotten even close to catching up, and Richie had added on another inch or two since then. Now, Eddie could probably tuck his head underneath Richie’s chin if he ever had the nerve to try.

The sun might have been hovering over them a little too directly, because Eddie suddenly felt way too fucking hot. He dropped Richie’s hand and shuffled away slightly, biting at his bottom lip. He couldn’t just hold Richie’s hand out in public like this - hell, he couldn’t hold Richie’s hand anywhere, it wasn’t his to hold. Eddie’s backyard wasn’t any more private than his front, he had nosey neighbours on all sides. Neighbours that absolutely would see something so innocent and turn it into something real bad to report to Sonia. Then Eddie’s life was as good as over.

“Yes, she’s letting me come.” Eddie said quietly, turning to walk out to the street. He heard Richie scamper after him. “I don’t even know how I did it. There was a lot of crying, and I’d pretty much given up, then she randomly changed her tune. Said that she had to accept that I wasn’t going to be an adult soon, and she can’t stop from doing things.”

“Well…” Richie said, sounding a little uneasy. Ever since the truth of what Sonia Kaspbrak was really like, Richie had been obviously putting a lot more effort into being considerate towards it. He still made your mom jokes, because he wouldn’t be Trashmouth Tozier if he didn’t, but it was clear that he tried to take real conversations about Sonia as seriously as possible. Eddie loved him for it, and never mentioned it. “That’s probably a good thing, right? If she’s starting to take you seriously like that, maybe she’s going to tone it down completely.”

“Doubt it.” Eddie said with a short laugh as he and Richie began to make their way down the sidewalk. “If anything, she’s using this as like… blackmail or something. When I bring up college applications next year, it’ll be all Oh, Eddie Bear, you don’t need to go to college. Don’t you remember going to the lakehouse last summer?”

The corners of Richie’s mouth twitched at Eddie’s scarily accurate imitation of his mother.  He forced down the laughter though, not sure it would be appreciated at this moment. “I can’t believe you and your ma haven’t talked about college. My parents have been shoving it down my throat since like… eighth grade. They have their hearts set on fucking Princeton or some other Ivy fuckshow.”

“I think my Ma believes that if we don’t talk about it, then I won't’ go.” Eddie said glumly, sounding fully Eryore-like. He felt Richie nudge him with his elbow and he sent Richie a small beam. “It’s fine, though. I turn eighteen before graduation, so my dad’s trust fund unlocks and goes to me. I don’t need her permission for anything then.”

“Thank fuck for that.” Richie said cheerily. “Where do you want to go, Eds? Where in this big wide world calls to you?”

Wherever you are, Eddie thought wistfully, then resented it. Richie would bitch and bitch about it, but he’d go to Princeton if that’s what his parents wanted. Eddie wasn’t going to be getting into Princeton, and if he did… even with his dad’s fund, he wouldn’t be able to afford it. And he couldn’t- wouldn’t- go chasing around the world for Richie Tozier. He could do better things. “New York, maybe.” Eddie said with a shrug. “Always wanted to see the city. What about you?”

“California, dude.” Richie said, giving him a quick surf’s up. “I’m going to go where the snow doesn’t fly and never look back. Stanny and I have talked about it, a bit, I guess. Probably go together, shack up in some trashy Cali apartment and save on money.”

Stan. Of course it was Stanley. Eddie tried not to be disappointed, knowing that Richie and Stan had practically shared diapers. There was nothing to be jealous about, and it wasn’t fair for Eddie to let it eat at him. It wasn’t fair to Richie… or himself… and definitely wasn’t fair to Stanley, who was the most innocent of bystanders in Eddie’s churning mind. “You’ll burn up like lobster in California.”

Richie grinned and ruffed at Eddie’s hair. Eddie squawked and pushed him away, the two walking the rest of the way to Denbrough’s in mindless conversation and soft giggles. They were the last to arrive, as they usually were, and all the other Losers were standing around the front yard. Eddie noted that the grass still hadn’t been mowed.

“B-b-bad nuh-news,” Bill said as soon as they walked up. Richie moved from Eddie’s side, taking Beverly’s hand without either of them looking at the other. Their hands were loose at their sides, and Eddie forced himself not to look.

“Finally, you guys are here,” Ben said, sounding more frustrated than Eddie was used to hearing him. “Bill’s been refusing to tell us his bad news until Richie got here. Can we get to it, please?”

Bill rolled his eyes and looked at Richie. “My p-p-parents are being hardasses. They w-w-w-won’t let me take the wag-wagon so we’re st-st-stuck with the c-c-car and-”

“And you need me to drive somebody in my truck?” Richie asked with a smirk. The only person who seemed to enjoy cutting off Bill’s stuttering sentences more than Richie, was Ben. But Ben hadn’t done it in years, not since the silent feud between them over Beverly had come to an end. Richie just did it to be a little asshole, everybody knew.

Bill glared at him, but he wasn’t actually mad. “I was th-hinking that you and Buh-Bev could travel with us in the t-t-ttruck-”

“I’m not going with Richie,” Beverly said a little sharply. The eyes of the other five Losers all turned to look at them, and Beverly blushed a bit. “He’s a shit driver! I don’t want to die, I barely let him drive me to school! Take Eddie.”

“Oh, so you want Eddie to die in a fiery crash then?” Mike asked, laughing awkwardly as he cleared tried to lighten the mood. Richie took his hand free from Beverly’s, covering it up by clearly scratching at his chin and Eddie’s stomach clenched at how uncomfortable he looked.

“Nobody’s dying,” Richie said with an eye roll. “If we really don’t want me driving- then Ben can. It would be easier because I’ve driven there before but whatever. I’m sure we can figure it-”

“I’ll just go with Richie, it’s fine. Everybody has to take one for the team sometimes” Stan grumbled suddenly, and Eddie’s stomach flared. He’d been so concerned with Richie’s discomfort in Beverly’s display that he hadn’t noticed what was going on.

“Don’t strain yourself, Stanley.” Eddie shot at him, knowing his voice was too angry but not being bothered to care. They were fighting over who had to ride with Richie! “I’m going with Richie.”

The air was tense for a moment, and Richie was giving Eddie some sort of look he couldn’t read, but the Losers soon moved back towards the excitement of the trip. Richie moved to stand beside Eddie, the two of them slightly apart from their friends. “I broke up with Beverly,” Richie whispered to him. “That’s why she’d being so weird.”

“You… what?” Eddie gaped at his friend. So many questions blew up in his mind in that moment, and he couldn’t find anything in him to ask. Richie seemed to know, somehow, what the most pressing questions were.

“Last Saturday, after I thought about what I told you at the Quarry.” Richie continued, watching their friends with a neutral expression that didn’t fit his personality. “She took it okay, She thought that we should wait to tell everybody until after the trip to keep it from being awkward. Guess she thought after that I could just duck out of the group without ruffling any feathers.”

Beverly didn’t think that, would never want that because she wasn’t that sort of malicious person. Eddie knew that- and Richie likely did as well - but it didn’t stop Richie’s words from stinging. He pressed his hand to Richie’s elbow and squeezed. “I’ll go with you.” It was an empty promise, as nobody was leaving the Losers Club for anything, but still a promise.

Richie beamed at him, and swayed forward slightly. His chest bumped against each other’s, Eddie’s hand squeezing at Richie’s elbow all the tighter. It was Richie’s eyes flicking down to Eddie’s lips, but still Eddie’s heart racing completely erratically. He could kiss Richie right now, he wouldn’t even have to stretch with how Richie was leaning down. Forget everything Eddie had ever told himself, everything he knew was right and what he couldn’t do. Forget all the people around them, people who may never accept them or forgive them. He could kiss Richie, he really could. Richie might not even pull away if he did.

“Hey, asshats!” Mike called over to them, grinning a little too knowingly for Eddie’s comfort. Richie took a step away from him, and Eddie noticed him blushing slightly. “Are you going to help us pack this car?”

Richie laughed, stepping towards the car and kicking his foot slightly against the suitcase that was most likely Bill’s. Eddie marvelled at Richie’s ability to act so normal so quickly. “We’re not even taking the car. Why should we have to pack it with your stuff?”

“In Richie talk, that means Richie hasn’t packed yet.” Mike said with a snicker. “And don’t try to deny it, because we can all see that you didn’t bring any bags.”

“Hey!” Richie cried, but he was finally grinning jokingly again. “Spaghetti Man over here doesn’t have a bag. Why are we digging at me?”

“Eddie probably didn’t even know if he was coming or not until last night or this morning,” Mike pointed out, grabbing the suitcase at his feet and hoisting it into the back. “So, it’s perfectly excusable that he hasn’t packed yet. You, on the other hand, are just an extreme procrastinator who can never get anything done even close to on time.”

“I’ll be s-s-surprised if he’s e-e-even packed b-before we leave t-t-tomorrow,” Bill said, head popping out from between the backseats to grin at them. “Have to walk around in the s-s-same dirty cl-clothes all w-w-weekend.”

“Or I could take the clothes off altogether,” Richie said with a leer. The back of Eddie’s neck turned warm once again, and he bitterly turned away. His gaze met Mike’s, and Mike’s eyes seemed just a little too amused for his liking. Eddie wrapped his arms around his middle and kicked at Richie’s ankle.

“Can I stay at yours tonight?” He asked gingerly. “After I go and get my stuff from home? I’m a little afraid that if I’m at home, my ma will try to guilt trip me into not going… or take away my permission, you know? If I’m not there, she can’t.”

“Sure, Eds.” Richie said, finally giving Mike and Stan a hand with all the suitcases and bags. “Saves time in the morning since I’m picking you up anyway.”

“Oh my God.” Ben gasped suddenly, looking around at the other Losers and seeming almost starstruck. “Guys… We don’t have to wait for Richie in the morning.”

There was loud, excited chattering amongst the Losers while Richie made large, sweeping motions of annoyance. “Oh, okay! Okay! I get it! Trash the Trashmouth! Fine, fine!” Eddie leaned back a little bit, pressing his hands against his lips to cover his smirk. “Eddie is the only one who’s good enough for me!”

Eddie raised his brow, and he could see Richie’s actions in the way you could see a cat’s eyes dilate before attack. Eddie had barely managed to brace his knees before Richie came rushing at him and leapt into Eddie’s eyes. He’d hardly been able to keep himself standing for three seconds before crumpling to the ground under Richie’s weight.

“Richard, you goddamn giant… You’re too fucking tall to around jumping on people!” Beverly laughed at them.

When Richie and Eddie walked back to the Tozier house that night, Eddie’s heart began to race. He struggled to trace the sudden anxious pit in his stomach back to a source: it was easily the idea of facing his mother right now. Or maybe it was the way Richie’s arm was brushing against his own while they walked. It definitely could have been that.

“Do you want me to come in with you?” Richie asked, gesturing towards the house they stood in front of us. “I can distract your mom while you pack and dash?”

Richie’s tone made it sound like a dirty joke, but Eddie knew it was an genuine offer. Richie Tozier never had any qualms about pissing off Sonia Kaspbrak, and he was always willing to whip it out as a secret weapon to help out Eddie.

“No,” Eddie sighed regretfully. The summers early year heat had caused sweet to cling to Eddie’s hair and press it down against his forehead. He swiped it away and gave Richie a small smile. “I’m on thin ice enough with the monster. The last thing we should do is poke the sleeping bear.”

Richie smiled back at him. The sun was starting to set and the air was beginning to set with the early summer chill. Sweaters and shorts weather, goosebumps were already starting to rise up on Eddie’s forearms. He rubbed at his arm as he and Richie took part of their new activity of staring at one another for long periods of time for no reason without speaking.

Richie cleared his throat and raised his eyebrows. “Are you going to go inside? Because I’d offer to give you clothes to wear but you think my style is - and I quote- “thrift store castaways” so-“ Richie shrugged and smirked. He made a swooping gesture towards the house. Eddie exhaled shakily, and was surprised when he felt Richie’s hand wrap around his wrist and squeeze gently. “Just go in, tell your ma you’re staying at my place because we have an early morning. Go up to your room, throw some shit into your backpack and get outta there. You’ve got this, Eds Spageds. I will wait for you; and promise to come running in if I heard screams.”

Eddie smiled at him, admittedly still nervous and walked past Richie. He flipped his friend off over his shoulder when Richie let out a loud wolf whistle as he walked. He held his other hand against his cheek and felt the warmth of his blush.

His mother was waiting up for her, completely unsurprisingly. Sonia could sleep through a train running through their house, but she’d never go to bed unless she knew Eddie was home. Luckily, she’d sleep through him sneaking out - or Richie sneaking in - later, without fail.

“Eddie bear! You’re late!”  Eddie didn’t have an official curfew, and it was only 8:30, He rolled his eyes and leaned in to give his mother a quick kiss to the cheek.

“I’m going to grab some stuff and spend the night over at the Toziers,” Eddie said quickly with a small, forced smile. Sonia gave him a disapproving cluck of her tongue and Eddie frowned. “Don’t do that, Ma. He’s driving me out to the lake house tomorrow mike thing. It’s easier if I just stay the night there and we leave together first thing.”

“I don’t know if I want you taking the drive with that boy.” Sonia said that boy that way she would have said toxic sludge that’s eating through my floor and Eddie already felt himself bristling. “I don’t want you around boys like that. He’s a bad influence on you, Eddie bear, I won’t have him swaying you.”

“Richie’s not a bad person, Ma.”  Eddie said with a sigh. He’d been having this same argument since the second grade, and he was beyond sick of it. “He’s got best grades in our class, he’s probably going to be validictorian. I don’t know why you have to be so hard on him all the time. You aren’t like this with my other friends!”

“That Tozier…” Sonia shook her head and glared towards the front door. “I’m afraid that if you spent too much time around him, you’ll start to make allowances for his… lifestyle. I know you’re impressionable, Eddie, but you can’t let him make you think that way of life is okay. It isn’t.”

Eddie frowned. Lifestyle? It donned on him pretty quickly what it was that his mother was implying and his whole body suddenly burned hot. He could feel his hands shaking. “I’m not having this conversation with you, Mother.”

He turned to stompe towards the stairs but knew without looking that Sonia was waddling after him. “Eddie, do not walk away when I’m talking to!”

“I have to go pack mother.” Eddie said coldly. “Richie is waiting outside for me.”

“Didn’t you hear what I said, Edward!?!”

“Yes, Mom. I heard you.” Eddie said sharply, finally turning to loom at her from the bottom step of the stairs. “But I don’t have to stand here and listen to you talk about my best friend like that- whether what you’re saying is true or not.”  Sonia stared up at him with a look of severely discontent and it sent a thrill down his spine. “You don’t get to pass judgement on my friends. Not with the things you’ve done. Richie would never hurt me, no matter what you think you he is.”

Sonia let out a loud huff, and crossed her arms. Eddie turned on his heel and rushed up the stairs before his mother could give him any more lectures or throw anymore comments about Richie. Untrue, hurtful comments. Richie wasn’t… but Eddie was. And Sonia’s behavior towards what she simply believes to be true about Richie, just cements that he’ll never be able to tell her. He started grabbing whatever clothes he could find in his drawers, mildly hoping that they would be okay to wear for the weekend, and started for the stairs at a run.

“EDDIE!” Sonia shouted after him, sounding utterly tearful as Eddie refused to look at her as he ducked out the house. Keeping his head down, with his backpack hiked up over his shoulders, he rushed right past Richie and made his way down the street.

“Hey, Eds! Eddie, wait.” With his long legs, Richie was able to check up to his friend pretty quickly. He pressed his hand to the bottom of Eddie’s spine and Eddie could slightly see the concerned look on his friend. “What did she say to you?”

And what could Eddie say now? That his mother made hateful comments about Richie that got Eddie upset because those hateful things applied to him- and not Richie? That he’s also upset because those thing don’t apply to Richie and some part of him deep down wished that it did? No, no. Eddie couldn’t say those things, he’d already sworn to himself that he would never put his friendship with Richie at risk like that.

Eddie had been forced to accept his feelings for his best friend back in sophomore year, when the Losers had gone to their first formal dance and he’d watched Richie and Beverly slow dancing. His heart and stomach had soured, and he’d had to walk outside because he couldn’t watch it anymore. Sitting outside in the middle of February had given Eddie lots of time to get lost in his own head and figure out some important things about himself. 1) He was definitely gay. Yeah, he’d been pretty sure of this for a while but there was really no denying it now. 2) He liked Richie. This might have been something that he known deep down for a while, but he’d been fighting against admitting it to himself. It was all up here in his face now, he had to bite the bullet here…. And 3) Richie was happily in love with his girlfriend, and Eddie’s best friend, therefore Richie could never know about Eddie’s stupid crush.

It’s not just a stupid crush, was it? Eddie’s brain told him mockingly. It’s much more than that now. And Richie isn’t happily in love with his… Eddie shook the thoughts from his head. No going down that road. Richie being single didn’t mean he’d stopped being straight. “Just the usual shit,” Eddie said with a rough sigh. “All the bullshit about being weak and how it’s best for me to stay home with her. It just pisses me off.”

Richie tossed his arm around Eddie’s shoulder and pressed a quick kiss to the top of Eddie’s head. Eddie knew that he was blushing terribly, and was thankful for the setting sun in that moment for guarding it. “Awe, Eds. You’re the toughest lil bastard I know. Don’t fucking listen to her.”

“I know,” Eddie sighed, leaning into Richie’s touch. Letting the warmth feed him comfort for this moment when he needed it. He knew that he shouldn’t waste his time indulging himself in Richie Tozier, knowing that it was only going to hurt him the long run. But if Richie was willing to give the comfort, then Eddie would accept it for as long as it was being offered to him.

They walked the rest of the way to the Tozier house in silence, Richie’s arm around his shoulder. The house was dark as when they reached it, nothing out of the ordinary. Richie’s mother worked the morning shift as a nurse at Derry’s hospital, and was often in bed by nine in the evening. If Richie’s father was home, he’d been watching television quietly in the den or more like working in his home office. Eddie wasn’t really sure what it was that Wentworth Tozier did for a living, and when he asked Richie about it, the answer had been vague enough that he suspected that maybe Richie didn’t really know either.

“I think my dad is out tonight. Working or something.” Richie said as he took the spare key out from underneath the welcome mat and unlocked his front door. “My Ma is definitely sleeping, so we’ll need to be quiet.”

That second part was a speal that Richie gave every time that Eddie slept over, but Eddie never grew tired of it. It made him smile to know how much Richie cared about his mother. He might act like some big edgy guy, but he’s an absolute mommas boy and everybody could see it. They both moved into the Tozier’s kitchen, Richie rummaging with practised quiet to grab two sodas from the fridge and a box of cookies from the cupboard. They made their way up to Richie’s bedroom and dropped side by side onto the bed.

“Are you going to ask me about what happened with Beverly?” Richie asked lightly, laying back onto the bed and resting the cookie box onto his stomach.

Eddie crawled up beside him and curled up by Richie’s side. “Do you want to tell me about Beverly?”

Richie had a arm propped up behind his head and let the other drop down around Eddie’s body. Pulling Eddie close enough that his head was near resting on Richie’s chest. He reached out and took a cookie from the box, hoping that Richie couldn’t feel how fast his heart was beating right then. He felt Richie sigh.

“It was painless,” Richie said. “Really cut and dry. I picked her up from her house, drove out to the spot by the old train tracks and I told her. That I wasn’t really sure if I was in love with her, that I thought that we shouldn’t be in a relationship anymore. She seemed okay, kind of confused, but she didn’t cry which is what I was most worried about.”

Eddie nodded against Richie’s chest. For somebody who was as sensitive as Richie Tozier, he really didn’t handle emotions particularly well. His or anybody else’s. The fact that he was even able to have a break up conversation with Beverly was mildly impressive.

“Then she suggested that we don’t tell anybody that we’re broken up until after the lakehouse,” Richie continued, because once you got Richie talking it was hard to get him to stop. “She thought it would make the trip awkward and I kind of agreed, you know? You guys have seen as BevandRichie for so long that maybe it would make the trip awkward. Or maybe breaks ups are awkward all around, I don’t know. Whatever. I agreed with her, so we were going to tell everybody after we got back. But today she was all passive aggressive and weird, I don’t want that. I still want to best friends with Beverly. I do love her. I do.”

Eddie hummed, and wrapped his arms around Richie’s middle. Giving him a small squeeze. It was a friendly hug, for his friend who was feeling sad and confused. Perfectly innocent. Acceptable. “Do you think you guys will get back together?” NO, Eddie. Bad question. Selfish question. Don’t do this to yourself.

“No.” Richie said immediately. “Beverly isn’t the one for me. I know that. Maybe they’re out there, in like college and I’ll finally get that older women I’ve always fantasized about or uh…” Eddie swore that Richie’s eyes dropped down to him, and Eddie’s heart threw up a little in his chest. “Maybe they’re closer than that.”

“We, uh, we er-” Eddie was flushing and he rolled over onto his back. Richie’s arm now locked under his body as he stared up at the ceiling. “We should go to sleep. We need to get up early tomorrow.”

“Whatever you say, Eds.”

“Don’t fucking call me that!”

When Eddie came to the next morning, he was immediately aware of Richie’s arms around him in a vice-like grip. He was warm and utterly comfortable, not wanting to give it a single thought because if he did he might have a panic attack.  Eddie fidgeted in Richie’s grip, noticing the amount of sun pouring into the window.

“Richard!” Eddie hissed angrily. Not that there was anybody in the house to wake up besides Richie. Mrs Tozier would have been gone beyond hours ago, and Eddie wasn’t sure if Mr Tozier was even home. If he ever slept. Eddie had never seen the man asleep. “Richie, get up, you lazy fucking asshole. We’re late.”

Richie made some cute, sleepy noises and Eddie’s heart leapt. He genuinely considered letting himself settle into Richie’s warm hold and going back to sleep himself. They didn’t really need to get up, they could stay here all weekend. But that was self indulgent, and not true.

Eddie whacked at the side of Richie’s head as he pulled himself free. Richie made a loud, wounded noise.

“Eds, why are beating me?” Richie whined, eyes still clenched shut tightly. He tossed the arm that was no longer wrapped about Eddie over his forehead and whined out wordlessly. “This is abuse. I think we need to see a counsellor. Work through our issues.”

“Beep beep, Richie,” Eddie grumbled, sitting up and rubbing at his sleep-sticky eyes. “It’s got to be almost noon, we were supposed to leave two hours ago.”

“Awe, shit.” Richie rolled out of bed. Literally rolled out of it. Just turned on his side, and dropped onto the floor. Eddie gaped at him as Richie stood up, shredding off his shirt as though he hadn’t done anything weird at all. Eddie frowned and shook his head. “Bill is never going to let me hear the end of this. Fuck. Get ready!”

Eddie squawked. “Me? You’d still be asleep if it wasn’t for you, you lazy ass!”

Richie gestured at Eddie seated on the bed. “And yet… Get that cute ass movin’, Kaspbrak. Let’s go.” The rest of the getting ready process which, yes, included Richie doing the entirety of his packing, was done in near silence. The two of them rushed quickly down the stairs, Richie grabbing two blueberry muffins from the tray on the table that was no doubt left behind by a Maggie Tozier who knew they weren’t going to wake up with enough time to themselves a breakfast.

As Richie locked the door to his house and moved to place the “hidden” key back into its obvious hiding place, Eddie looked up towards the sky, noticing that the sun that had woken them up was rapidly getting hidden behind dark clouds. “Uh… how comfortable are you with driving in the rain?”

Richie turned around and looked up towards the sky himself, giving it a side smile as though the sky was looking back at him. “Eds, baby, I’m always comfortable driving. It’s my passengers who are nervous.”

Eddie hummed non-committedly, taking their bags and tossing them into the back seat of Richie’s truck before the sky had a chance to open up and soak them with how fast the storm seemed to be coming in. Richie didn’t seem to have the same concerns, walking towards the truck at barely a crawl and letting himself in slowly. Eddie’s knee was bouncing when Richie finally got in.

“Do you know if any of the radio stations reach all the way up to the lakehouse?” Eddie asked, reaching for the dials as Richie started up the truck. “I can’t fucking stand the sound of the stations starting to cut in and out when we’re getting out of range.”

“I know you do,” Richie said with a soft smile. “That’s why I brought this mixtape I made for us. It’s just a bunch of songs that remind me of you, or that I think you’d like. And there’s no cutting in or out, and no static.”

“That’s awesome,” Eddie accepted the tape from Richie and started to push it into the player when he froze. “Wait, when did you make this? You didn’t know until yesterday that we’d be taking your truck, and I didn’t see you make this.”

Richie’s cheeks seemed to turn pink as Eddie turned over the tape titled “Spaghetti Songs” and frowned at it. Richie cleared his throat awkwardly and began to back out of his driveway. “I made it a while ago,” Richie admittedly, almost as though it physically hurt him to be saying these things. “We don’t have to listen to it if you’re going to be all nosy about it.”

Richie reached out for the tape and Eddie made a loud, squawking noise as he held it towards his chest. “Fuck you, we’re listening to it.” Eddie shut the tape into the deck and jerked back into his seat as Baby Got Back began to blare out of the speaker. He turned to Richie, who was driving with one hand while the other was pressed against his mouth to keep the laughter at bay. “Seriously? This song makes you think of me?”

“Hell yes it does!” Richie cackled, tossing his head back and letting himself succumb to his laughter. Eddie glared angrily at him as Richie swept a hand over Eddie’s body in the passenger seat. “I’ve seen you in your track uniform!”

“Don’t sexualize my uniform!” Eddie sheriked, swatting at Richie’s arm and pushing his hand back towards the steering wheel.

Richie was still laughing, and shaking his head. “Baby boy, I don’t need to sexualize anything about it. Your ass and thighs do that for me.”

Eddie turned back to the front window, cheeks burning hot, and chose to ignore Richie and focus on Sir-Mix-A-Lot and whatever trash Richie had put on this playlist and claimed it to be for him. Of course Richie Tozier would make a playlist that’s all overly sexaluized and dedicate it to him. It was just a joke to Richie, no doubt, but he really shouldn’t be doing those sort of things. The sort of things that got Eddie’s heart racing and brought up little twinges of hope in his gut that hurt him to snuff out before they grew into a problem.

Once Baby Got Back transformed into the second song on the playlist, Eddie decided that he wasn’t going to spend the entire six hour drive pretending to be mad at his best friend. They had easy conversation until the tape ended, and Eddie pulled it out. He flipped it over and moved to place back onto the second side when Richie smacked it out of his hand.

“NO!” He cried in an obvious panic. Eddie turned to look at him with wide eyes, cocking his head to the side and frowning. “I.. Uh… We should be able to get a radio station that goes from here until the house. We don’t need to listen to the other side.”

“Richie…” Eddie frowned deeply, looking towards the mixtape on the truck floor. “We’re still a good four hours away from the lakehouse! That’s at least two radio areas. What could be worse than the shitty music you put on the first side?”

“Nothing.” Richie grumbled, cheeks red and nose crinkled up in a scowl. “There’s nothing on it. It’s blank.”

“You recreated pretty strongly for a blank tape.” Eddie said, turning to Richie and frowning. Richie was staring out at the thick rain in front of them, the fog settling around the road. Richie didn’t answer for a long pause, and then gave a shaking exhale.

“Kaspbrak, I’m asking you to let this one go.”

Eddie didn’t get a chance to speak before there was loud rumbling noise from the front of Richie’s truck, and smoke quickly became visible coming from the front hood. Richie cursed under his breath and pulled the car quickly to the side of the road. Eddie watched his best friend get out from the truck and move to open the hood.

Eddie squirmed in his seat slightly, feeling an unnecessary guilt settle in his stomach. As a child, Eddie had often watched his father working on cars. It had been a favourite hobby of Frank Kaspbrak, and whenever Sonia wasn’t around, Eddie was go out into the garage and watch his dad work. Allowed himself to absorb the information his father would tell him, even at such a young age. Cars had fascinated Eddie just as much as they did Frank.

Richie had been complaining about his trucks functioning for awhile now, and Eddie had had a feeling all along that it was something simple that was wrong with it. Something that could have been fixed pretty easily, if Richie took it to get looked at. But Eddie had only mentioned his father a few times to his friends- and the car thing to Richie only once, the night they’d gotten drunk for the first time. He was sure that Richie didn’t even remember the story. It wasn’t as though Richie had ever asked Eddie to look at the truck or even imply that Eddie would have any idea what was wrong with it.

He watched Richie jumped back from the car, shaking his hand frantically, and Eddie rolled his eyes before stepping out of the car into the rain. He walked over to Richie and took hold of his obviously burned hand. It wasn’t bad, but it was already reddening. Likely wouldn’t blister, which was good. Eddie gave him an unimpressed look.

“Do you have any tools in this piece of junk?” Eddie asked, gesturing towards the truck. It already wasn’t smoking as badly, but that could have been from the rain. “Because you can’t just stick your bare hand in there and hope that works.”

“Awe, is my Eds going to fix my baby for me?” Richie beamed down at him, reaching out and ruffling Eddie’s already damp hair. Eddie swatted at Richie’s hand and glowered at him.

“No, asswipe. I don’t know how to fix a car.” Eddie snapped and Richie’s smile dropped into a look of confusion. His eyebrows knitted together and Eddie turned away. “And nobody is fixing anything if you don’t have tools.”

Richie shook his head slowly and moved to the back of the truck and came out with what was just a pair of scissors and a wrench. Eddie rolled his eyes again, and wiped the fringe of his hair away from his face. “Is that the best you got?”

Richie held his hands out in distressed gesture and stomps over to the truck with the ‘tools.’ He stared down at the vehicle with determination in his eyes and a deep frown on his face. It hit Eddie then that they were sitting on the side of the road, broken down truck, still several hours away from where they needed to be, and there was nowhere for them to go if this truck didn’t get moving again.

“This is stupid,” Eddie said, turning his face back up to the sky. Letting the rain fall onto his face as he squeezed his eyes shut. “I never should have come on this trip, my mother was right. This was a mistake.”

Richie turned to him slowly, an unreadable look on his face, as he clenched the wrench tighter in his hands.

“I don’t know why I bother trying,” Eddie said wetly, because once his brain started it spiralled down the darkest of holes. “She’s always right in the end, you know? I’m just… I’m fucking broken. And she knows it. I should’ve listened to her.”

Richie walked swiftly towards him, taking Eddie’s chin in his non-wrench holding hand and tugging Eddie’s gaze down and away from the sky. His eyes were burning deeply with a whole new level of seriousness that Eddie had never seen on Richie Tozier’s face before. “Eddie, I love you and I say this with all of the love in the world- shut the fuck up.”

Eddie gaped at him.

“You are not fucking broken, okay? Not even close.” Richie said, still cupping his face with one hand. He smiled then, rain drops dripping from eyelashes and nose. Eddie’s eyes trailed a single drop running down Richie’s cheek. “The only thing broken here is this fucking piece of shit truck from the 50s that my father ran into the ground before giving to me.” Eddie chuckled wetly, then smiled weakly up at Richie. Richie waggled his eyebrows. “And you’re going to fix it.”

Eddie’s mouth went dry. “No… I… what?”

Richie took his hand away from Eddie’s face, and grabbed Eddie’s hand. He pulled it up to lay flat-palmed between their bodies and dropped the wrench into it. “Fix it.”

“I don’t know how,” Eddie said quietly. Meekly. Richie cocked his brow and looked down at Eddie with a slight smirk. Eddie swallowed roughly and turned slowly towards the truck. He inhaled slowly and squared his shoulders. Richie’s fingers pushed on his, wrapping Eddie’s fingers around the wrench.

“Okay.” Eddie cringed as he had to wipe his oil slicked hands onto his shirt and he turned around to look at Richie, who was leaning against the truck hood with Eddie. His friend was utterly soaked through from the rain, water having making his hair resemble a wet dog and his heart jumped slightly. He shook the thoughts of Richie looking good while wet. He reached into the truck and turned the key. The sound wasn’t exactly flawless, but it was running and the truck wasn’t catching fire.

“Damn, Eds.” Richie whistled and grinned wolfishly. ‘You’re a little fucking mechanic, baby. I think we found your future calling!”

Eddie laughed, shaking his head. “I doubt that, Rich, but thanks. It’s not exactly fixed, you still are going to have to take it to a real mechanic. I’m not sure it’s even going to get us all the way to the lake.”

Richie looked at it thoughtfully. “Can it get us another 30 miles down the road? Because if I remember anything correctly about taking this trip, there’s a little trash motel there. We can check in, my mom gave me a credit card for emergencies, we can call Bill when we get there and get him to come get us there in the morning.”

Eddie crinkled up his nose. He’d never stayed in a hotel before, let alone some nasty hole in the wall motel off the highway. He didn’t have a chance to respond his distaste for the idea before Richie was cutting in. “Unless you want to sleep in the bed of my truck? Or risk driving all the way to the house?”

Eddie grumbled, pushed past Richie and got into the passenger seat. He could tell that Richie was smirking at the back of his head. Richie got into the driver's seat, still smirking, and they drove the rest of the way to the hotel in silence. It was already pushing nine at night by the time they started to check in, and Eddie stood away from Richie while he went through the process. He couldn’t really explain, even to himself, why he was mad at Richie. Not even to himself.

Richie seemed to have sensed Eddie’s darkened mood, because he didn’t say anything as he came over. He was holding the key to their room in his hands, and he took both his and Eddie’s bags from Eddie. He turned without a word, and walked towards the room. Eddie wrapped his arms around his middle and tried not to feel guilty about something he couldn’t explain to himself. Richie had done nothing except be supportive of Eddie today, and somehow it made Eddie want to give him the silent treatment. It made no sense, and Eddie hated it. Talking to Richie was one of his favourite things in the world, and he was pissed that his brain was taking it away from him.

Richie unlocked the door and Eddie stalled as he looked around. It was ugly printed and looked as though nobody had stepped foot in it since the 40s, but it was one double bed sitting in the middle of the room and pushed up against the wall. He stalled at the door to the room, remembering the feeling of Richie spooning him this morning and Eddie felt his heart start to race. Anxiety prickled at him and his hands started to tremble at his sides.

“Well, I’m tired.” Richie said a little stiffly. Eddie looked around the room and began to ring his hands. He knew that Richie wasn’t tired, they hadn’t even been awake for twelve hours. He was simply looking for an excuse to not have any conversation when Eddie was being weird, and he didn’t know if he appreciated it or if it made him sad.

“Okay” Eddie said softly, moving over to grab his pajamas. “I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“What?” Richie turned to look at him, frowning deeply and furrowing his brow. “Why would you sleep on the couch? There’s room in the bed.”

Eddie inhaled deeply. “We’re a little too old to sleep in the same bed. Don’t you think?”

“I, what…” Richie squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. “No, I don’t think! How are we too old for sharing the same bed? You slept in my goddamn bed yesterday!”

Eddie sighed. “I just… I don’t want to share the bed, okay? You don’t need to make a big deal about it.”

“I’m not making a big deal about anything,” Richie’s mouth dropped open. “Eddie, you must fucking hate staying in this motel, okay? I know it’s not ideal. Sleeping on that nasty couch is going to so much worse. I bet it hasn’t even been cleaned since 1965. If you really don’t want to share, you take the bed. It might not be amazing, but it’ll definitely be cleaner.”

“No.” Eddie said, trying to sound firm but hearing how it sounded like a whine. “I’ll sleep on the couch. Leave it alone, Richie, okay?”

Richie sat down hard on the bed, and his jaw was clenched. “Okay, Eddie. Fine. Whatever.”

Eddie gathered up his clothes from his bag and stepped towards the bathroom. “I’m going to change.”

Richie pursed his lips and said nothing as Eddie moved into bathroom. As soon as the door shut, Richie ripped off his shirt and jeans so he was wearing just his boxers and crawled into the bed. He hesitated for a moment, then threw the larger of the blankets towards the couch for Eddie and shut off the light.

Eddie came back in the hotel and blinked in surprise to find the room dark. He stepped a little closer into the room and closed it slowly behind him. “Richie?” He whispered quietly into the room, and his friend didn’t answer. He didn’t shift in the bed. Richie was not asleep, Richie Tozier had struggled to get to sleep for as long as Eddie knew him.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, maybe even too quiet for Richie to hear the words in the dark room. Maybe they never left his brain at all. He stepped towards the couch, and realized he couldn’t sleep there. He had too much pride to try to crawl into the bed with Richie, so he left the room. Nasty hotel blanket in one hand, Richie’s truck keys in the other.

He ran to the truck, the weather still raining, He got into the truck and curled up into a ball on the passenger seat. It was cold and the sound of the rain was soothing, and Eddie felt maybe he could sleep here. Then his eyes fell to the mix tape still left on the floor from when Richie had knocked it from his hands.

Don’t do it Kaspbrak, Eddie’s brain screamed at him. Richie didn’t want you to hear the other side of that tape! He asked you to let it go. Let it got. But Eddie had already picked up the tape and was starting up the truck so he could put it into the player.

The first song came on, and it was no Baby Got Back. It was much slower, having a good, slow pace. He rested his head against the window with the blanket wrapped tightly around him.

_In the instant that you love someone, in the second that the hammer hits. Reality runs up your spine, and the pieces finally fit._

Eddie was crying by the end of that first song. The blankets pressed over his mouth to muffle how he was sobbing. His heart had shriveled in his chest as he heaved out heavy breaths.

_And all I ever needed was the one. Like freedom fields where horses run. When stars collide like you and I. No shadows block the sun. You’re all I’ve ever needed. Baby, you’re the one..._

As the first song came to an end, Eddie quickly ejected the tape and tossed it back to the floor. He wiped frantically at the tears on his face, and wondered for one second that Richie was pulling some terrible, terrible joke on him. The cruelest prank of all the time.

And then he remembered.

Richie hadn’t wanted him to hear the tape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song featured at the end as the song on Richie’s side two is The One by Elton John


	3. Chapter 3

Eddie woke suddenly to the sound of tapping, feeling crabby and disorientated. It took him too long to realize where he was, curled up in the front bed of Richie’s truck in a nasty highway motel blanket. It wasn’t raining anymore, but the sky foretold the possibility of more. Richie was leaning against the truck, knocking lightly against the window with his knuckles. 

Eddie opened the door and tumbled out, barely managing to keep his legs standing in an upright position. Richie took a step back rather than reaching out to help steady Eddie’s legs, and Eddie’s heart cracked slightly. 

“Mike’s here.” Richie said simply, gesturing towards the car when Richie and Mike had clearly already loaded their stuff into. Eddie frowned.

“I thought Bill was coming to get us,” Eddie asked sleepily, rubbing at his eyes. Richie seemed to give a half a smirk, before pressing his lips together and glaring angrily down at the ground. 

“Billy boy getting up early to come get us?” Richie asked lightly, giving Mike a quick salute as they approached. Mike glanced between them and raised his brow at Eddie. Eddie shrugged, moving to get into the back seat of Bill’s mom’s car.

“You can take the front, Spaghetti.” Richie cut in, starting to walk backwards. “I’m going to take the truck. Can’t just leave it here for days.”

“Wait, Richie!” Eddie cried as his friend started to walk away. “You can’t take that truck, I don’t think it’s going to get you the whole way! I don’t think it’s going to-”

“It will.” Richie said firmly, if not a little softly. He gave a small smile to Eddie, patting him on the shoulder. “I know it will. ‘Cuz you fixed it, Eddie.” 

Eddie swallowed a little roughly as he watched Richie turn and walk back to the truck, He watched as he got in, and pulled out of the motel parking lot. As the truck disappeared down the dirt road back towards the highway, Eddie finally turned to look at Mike.

“Awe, little lamb.” Mike wrapped an arm around Eddie’s shoulder, who immediately leaned into him and sighed sadly. “What did you do?” 

Eddie slumped against the door of the car and gave Mike what he knew was a pitiful look, going to the full extent of sticking out his bottom lip and batting his eyelashes. “Richie’s mad at me for not sleeping in the bed with him.”

“He’s mad at you?” Mike asked with a disbelieving laugh. He shook his head and opened the car door for him. Eddie ducked in, crossing his arms around his chest and huffing as he stared out the window. Mike got into the driver's seat and began to pull out of the parking lot. “I don’t know what happened here, but I can promise you that Richie is not mad at you, Eddie. I don’t think the guy has ever been mad at you in his entire existence.”

“That’s not true!” Eddie cried indignantly. “Back before you became friends with us, in second grade, I stole the fruit roll up from Richie’s lunch box and he was furious.”

“And how long did he stay mad at you, lamb?” Mike asked gently as he pulled back onto the highway. 

Eddie scowled at the rain clouds in the sky and exhaled hard. “Half an hour, he forgave me when I cried because he wouldn’t talk to me.” 

Mike laughed, reaching out with a hand and ruffling at Eddie’s head. “Don’t worry about it, Eddie, okay? Even if Richie is mad at you- which I doubt, by the way- it’s not going to last. I’d bet you anything that by the time we get up to the house, Richie will have forgotten all about whatever was going on between you.”

Eddie bit down on his bottom lip, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. His chest suddenly felt tight, and his brain went a little off the grids. He supposed if there was anybody he’d been completely safe talking to, it was Mike Hanlon. “I like him,” Eddie blurted out, barely giving it thought at all. “Not like I’m supposed to, or like he’s my best friend. I like him really like him.”

It was quiet for a long moment, long enough that panic started to fully settle in Eddie’s gut, before Mike’s hand came down and squeezed Eddie’s wrist. “I know, little lamb,” Mike said softly. He didn’t take his eyes off the road, and Eddie pressed his free hand against his cheek. Just watching Mike. Waiting for something more. “I’ve known for a while. Don’t worry, I don’t think anybody else noticed anything.”

“Does… does Richie…” Eddie rubbed his hand against his cheek now, heart in his throat and leg bouncing erratically. “Does Richie know?” He managed to squeak out. 

Mike glanced at him from the corner of his eyes, smiling slightly. “I can’t answer that. Who ever knows what’s going on in Richie’s head, really. I’m sure that Richie cares about you enough that if he did know, it wouldn’t matter.”

“I’m not going to tell him.” Eddie said firmly. He noticed Mike raising his eyebrows but Eddie started shaking his head. “I don’t want any well meaning advice. Shove your advice up your ass, I’m going to stick with my plan of doing what I want.”

Mike chuckled, reaching out to turn on the radio and fiddling for a station. “Alright, alright. I just think that Richie would-”

“La la la!” Eddie shouted, slapping his hands over his ears and dramatically kicking his feet. “I said no advice!”

Mike clucked his tongue and looked ready to burst out laughing, but managed to contain it as they both watched the clouds pass by overhead as they moved towards an event in which they were trapped on a lake for the next three days.

  
  
  


It was raining when Mike pulled into the driveway. As Eddie moved to grab his things from the back of the car, he felt something getting tossed over the top of his head. Startling, and nearly dropping his rucksack, Eddie whipped around and saw Richie smiling down at him. The hand that wasn’t holding onto his rucksack grabbed for the fabric around him and found himself covered in one of Richie’s surprisingly nice sweaters.

“What’s this for?” Eddie asked, narrowing his eyes. He slipped the sweater on, popping the hood up and tossing his backpack onto his shoulders. 

Richie grinned cheekily down at him. “You looked a little wet there, Eds.” He attempted to toss his arm around Eddie’s shoulder, but Eddie quickly dodged him. He glowered up at Richie, resenting not for the first or last time that Richie had so much height on him.

“Thought you were pissed at me?” Eddie accused him, stomping down and holding his ground. He noticed the rest of the Losers joined up under the roof on the front porch while Richie and Eddie stood together in the rain. 

Richie’s brow furrowed. “I was never mad at you, Eds. You were the one being all fucking weird.”

“God, you’re the worst you know that!” Eddie snapped, that anger that was also so close to surface bubbling up once more. He clenched his fists at his sides. “You don’t understand anything do you?”

“Apparently not!” Richie tossed his arms out in an extravagant gesture, but he sounded more tired than angry.  “I don’t understand anything about anything, and I don’t know what I want or what I feel, and I’m just some big dumb lap dog you guys all put up with.”

Eddie blinked hard, physically reeling his head back at Richie’s aggressive response. “Rich, that’s not what I said.”

Richie held his hand up and gave a disgusted look. “Whatever, Eddie.” He pushed back Eddie, knocking their shoulders together, and Eddie’s stomach sunk the way it always did whenever Richie used his real time when addressing him. Eddie turned slowly to watch Richie stomp up the steps to the lake house and move inside without saying a word to anybody else. Eddie sighed hard, with his whole body, and dragged his feet the whole way to his friends. 

Mike gave him a sympathetic, closed mouthed smile as Eddie approached that he returned. “D-D-Don’t worry about Ruh-Rich,” Bill said, patting Eddie softly on the shoulder and nodding at him. “He’s b-b-been in a b-b-bitch since he g-g-got here. Guess he and B-B-Bev are in s-s-ome loves q-q-q-quarrel.” 

“Shut up, Denbrough,” Beverly said with a forced smile and an eye roll. “We didn’t even do anything. I just told him we needed to talk later when we had the chance. No need to make it into this big huge thing.”

Eddie frowned, kicking at the wooden porch and refused to meet Mike’s eye line as they stepped into the house. Everybody moved with ease as them came inside, knowing exactly what to do with their shoes and rain jackets, and Eddie felt that discontent that happened for him and the Losers sometimes. The reminder that his friends had spent multiple summers here before, but Eddie had never been allowed to go along. That his friends had many memories that didn’t involve him, because his mother had kept him from them.

“You okay, Eddie?” Beverly asked him, placing a hand on his elbow and smiling softly at him. Eddie felt that usual pang of guilt he got when he Beverly was nice to him- which yeah, happened often- and he tried to shake it free from his mind. 

He smiled back at her. “Yeah, I’ve just never been here before. I’m not sure where-”

“Oh!” Beverly blinked in surprise. “Right! Sorry, Billy is the worst host. This is the first year his parents and Georgie aren’t here with us. I think you and Richie have the last room at the end of the hall upstairs. It’s house rules that Rich and I don’t get to share.”

_ Or is it because you’re broken up?  _ Eddie thought a little snidely. He knew it wasn’t fair, and that Beverly wouldn’t even know that Eddie knew the truth about her and Richie’s relationship. 

Ben “Bet Beverly is regretting not taking the ride with Richie yesterday,” Ben called out, looking over at them with a pursed smile. Forced and utterly fake, the look of somebody trying too hard. Eddie raised his brow and Beverly gave him a wrinkled nose smile. “You know, an excuse to be alone in the hotel room, some Bev and Richie time…”

“When have Richie and Bev ever needed an excuse to have sex?” Stan asked dryly, not bothering to look up from the box of records that Bill had on the coffee table. Eddie’s heart flip-flop in his chest, and Beverly glanced away awkwardly. She began ringing her hands then turned away, moving past their friends and further into the house.

“Okay,  _ what  _ is going with them?” Stan asked with an air of annoyance. His eyes fell to Eddie and narrowed. “Do you know something, Kaspbrak?” 

Eddie felt his face flush. “Why I know anything? You-  _ You’re  _ his best friend, Stanley. Maybe  _ you  _ know something, and you’re just trying to keep the attention off of me.”

Stan gave him his mastered look of raising one eyebrow. 

Eddie snapped his fingers. “Got ya.” 

The rest of the Losers stared at him for awhile and Eddie felt his face turned bright red. He rubbed his face absentmindedly and shrugged up one shoulder awkwardly. “So… where is my room again?” He was quickly giving more detailed directions by Bill and moved through the long hallway. As he moved to let himself into the room, the door came open and Richie nearly ran into him. 

Eddie’s mouth dropped open and he shuffled back slightly on an instinct. The expressionless look on Richie’s face darkened as he attempted to push past him. “Don’t worry, Eds. There’s two beds.”

“Wait, wait!” Eddie cried, reaching out and grabbing onto the back of Richie’s T-shirt. “Can we talk please? Rich?”

Richie exhaled hard. “Are you going to be mean to me for no reason again?”

Eddie sighed and glanced down at his shoes. “No. I’m sorry.”

Richie turned around slowly, tucking his hands into the back pockets of his shorts. “I don’t get you, Eddie. I used to be able to read you like an open book but somebody closed that book and put on a lock on it. If you’re going to be a locked book, I need you to try and tell me what the pages say.” 

“I don’t want to be a closed book,” Eddie said sadly. He took steps closer to Richie, letting their legs press together where they stood. Richie tilted his chin down to look at him, smiling through the still apparent sadness in his eyes. “I’m… working on it, okay?”

Richie shrugged one shoulder. Eddie shuffled forward and wrapped his arms gently around Richie’s middle. There was a moment of awkwardness where Eddie felt his heart start to hammer his chest, before he felt Richie’s arm wrap back around his shoulders, a hand cupping the back of Eddie’s head. His fingers scratched at Eddie’s scalp, pressing his cheek against the top of Eddie’s head.

“I was never mad at you, Eds.”

“I was never mad at you, either.” 

Eddie wasn’t sure how long they stayed standing like that, arms around each other, Eddie’s face pressed against Richie’s collar bone and Richie’s head rested on his. They stood like that until the sound of someone clearing their throat broke through to them. Eddie stumbled away from Richie’s hold, ending back up against the wall while Richie just looked casually towards their new guest. Eddie swallowed a little roughly at the sight of Beverly looking patiently between them, and Eddie knew he probably looked incredibly guilty in that moment.

“Hey, sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Beverly said pleasantly. She stepped forward and wrapped her hand around Richie’s wrist. “But I was thinking maybe now would be a good time for us to talk? The rain doesn’t look like it’s going to let up anytime soon, so Bill is going to set up some card game and dinner so…”

Richie cleared his throat a little, scratching at the back of his head.  “Uh.. yeah, no. This is fine, we should do this.” Richie gave Eddie a little nod and a small smile. “We’re cool, right Eds?”

“Yeah,” Eddie lied with a nod. “We’re totally cool. It’s fine.” Eddie fumbled with the door to his and Richie’s room and tumbled in with his stuff, as Richie scuffed the toe of his shoe into the ugly rug on top of the hardwood floor. 

“So, what’s up Bev Bev?” Richie asked, giving her a classic lopsided grin. 

“I was just uh…” Beverly bit her bottom lip then smiled. “I was wondering how long this break was going to last?”

Richie blinked then frowned at his ex-girlfriend. A million different thoughts bubbled up in his head, arguments and intelligent words, but all he could manage was to shake his head at her. “Beverly, I didn't- this isn’t a break. I broke  _ up  _ with you. It’s over.”

“But,” Beverly gaped at him, mouth flopped open and shut like a fish out of water. “You kept saying that you loved me! The whole time and-”

“I  _ do  _ love you,” Richie said softly, furrowing his brow and tilting his head. “Beverly, you’re one of my favourite people in this world and I care so much about you. I’m just not in love with you.”

“I don’t understand what happened,” Beverly said tearfully, crossing her arms around her chest. “One second everything was fine, and the next you were breaking up with me and saying you weren’t in love with me anymore? This just came out of nowhere, I don’t know what I’m supposed to think!”

“Things  _ haven’t  _ been fine, Bev.” Richie said sharply, clenching his jaw. “I’ve been trying to be fine, pretend that everything was normal but I’m not and it isn’t. I’m sorry that you’re hurt and confused, Bev, I never wanted that and I wish I’ve could have found a way that didn’t leave you hurt but I’m not… I’m not going to spend my entire life pretending to be in love with you.”

“How long have you been pretending to still be in love with me?” Beverly asked, staring up at Richie with a shell shocked look on her face. 

Richie clenched his jaw and mentally cursed himself. He stepped away from Beverly as he began to pace, pressing the palms of his hands against his eyes. “This is getting all fucked up. Why did we have to have this talk? Everything was fine after the first time!”

“That’s because you weren’t clear the first time!” Beverly shouted, tossing her hands up in the air. “I didn’t even know that you were breaking up with me!”

“I was fucking clear!” Richie shouted back, starting to turn red in the face. “You just weren’t fucknig listening to me, and just chose to hear whatever the fuck you wanted!” 

The two of them stood and glared at each other until the door behind them clicked open, and Eddie shuffled out awkwardly. He wanted to move to Richie’s side, but he knew it wouldn’t be appropriate. Richie was just his friend, same as Beverly, and he couldn’t so obviously pick sides in a fight that shouldn’t involve him. He wanted nothing more than to rest a hand on Richie’s shoulder and gave him a reassuring smile, try to make his best friend feel better, but he acknowledged there was nothing he could do for Richie right now. He offered them both a small smile, and a slight nod. “Everything okay?” 

“Yeah,” Beverly popped her lips, looking away from Eddie with embarrassment written all over her face. “Richie and I were just…” She cleared her throat and forced a smile. “Breaking up, apparently. I’ll see you all downstairs later.”

Then Beverly was gone, turning on her heel and disappearing down the hall faster than Eddie had ever seen her move. She was practically running, and Eddie had to look away. There was a mixture of emotions in his gut right now, bouncing back and forth between excited that Richie and Beverly were publicly broken up and feeling completely guilty about being excited. Tossing the acknowledge anger for even feeling excited at all, as though just because Beverly and Richie breaking up meant anything for Eddie except that things were now going to be awkward in his friend group. 

Richie was looking at him and Eddie supposed he was looking for something. Some advice, or some comfort. Eddie had nothing to give him. He looked down the hall to double check what he already knew about Beverly being gone, then stepped forward and curled a finger through Richie’s belt loop. “I have some sour gummy worms in my backpack.”

Richie raised his eyebrows, giving Eddie an offended look. “You had those that whole truck ride and the entire time we were fixing it up, and you didn’t mention it?”

Eddie smiled cheekly up at him. “They’re mine, I didn’t want to share them. Especially not with you, because I know that you’re a gummy worm hog.”

“Then why are you telling me now?” Richie challenged, pushing closer to Eddie. With Eddie’s fingers still in Richie’s belt loops, the posture between them felt so intimate that Eddie’s actual heart was blushing. He didn’t know if that was possible, but he was sure in that moment that was what was happening to him. 

“Yeah, well,” Eddie shrugged playfully with a little smirk. “You’re looking a little pathetic right now, so I thought I’d be nice. But if you don’t want any-”

“No!” Richie giggled, leaping away from Eddie’s grip and practically skipping into their shared bedroom. Eddie quickly chased after him, jumping at Richie while his best friend and they tumbled onto Eddie’s bed. They smacked at each other mindlessly for a moment, giggling, before flopping onto the bed on their best.

“Oh, this is great,” Richie sighed, dropping his arm over his eyes, grinning up at the ceiling. 

Eddie tilted his head to the side, smiling bemusedly at his friend. “What’s great?”

Richie looked back at him, balancing him up his elbow and his grin turning soft. “It’s just… I’ve been coming here for three years, and this is first time I’ve had somebody to share my room with. It’s just nice.”

Eddie frowned. “What? I mean, I know that Beverly wasn’t allowed to room with you but why have you always been by yourself?”

“Because you weren’t here.” Richie replied honestly. Eddie frowned slightly, wanting to sit up and have a more serious conversation but he couldn’t deny that he liked the way Richie was hovering over him. “I wasn’t allowed to stay with Bev, and nobody else wants to share a room with the Trashmouth.”

“That’s not true,” Eddie said, knowing even himself that it sounded weak and pathetic. Richie raised his eyebrow and Eddie sighed, shifting a little bit on his back. Their knees rested together, Eddie’s body feeling on fire where they were touching. 

“Don’t worry about it, Eds,” Richie said, sounding almost quiet and at peace. “I know where I stand. It’s all good, because you have gummy worms.”

Richie leaned over Eddie’s body, reaching into Eddie’s backpack and Eddie felt the familiar panic hitting his chest again. All logic in his brain and body and goddamn soul went flying out the window because all he knew was that Richie was  _ not allowed  _ to put his hand in Eddie’s backpack. Brain disconnected from itself, Eddie launched himself forward and grabbed the back of Richie’s head. He pulled Richie down, away from his bag, and kissed him full on the mouth. 

The two of them stayed like that for a moment, completely frozen, then Eddie’s brain kicked back into working order. He pulled away from Richie, letting out what he knew sounded like a horrified gasp, and pushed Richie off of him. The second Richie’s back had hit the mattress, Eddie was shooting up and running his fingers through his air.

“I…” Eddie cleared his throat, not wanting to look at whatever look of disgust Richie would be wearing. “We should probably go downstairs. Everybody is there and we already missed the first day, so.”

“I don’t really want to see them right now,” Richie said, voice sounding disconnected and cold. Eddie squeezed his eyes closed and didn’t turn around. 

“Okay, well, I’m…. I’m going to go… then.” Eddie bolted out of the room before Richie could give any response. He almost fell down the stairs, but quickly regretted leaving Richie for the rest of the Losers when he took sight of Beverly crying in Bill’s arms on the couch.

“Is Richie okay?” Stan asked, standing quickly and moving towards Eddie, who was hovering in the doorway. 

Eddie nodded awkwardly, giving Stan a little bit of a half smile. “He’s okay, I guess. I don’t think he’s going to come down tonight though, he’ll be a little uncomfortable.” Eddie immediately recognized the look in Stanley’s eyes and reached out to took hold of his friend’s wrist. “I don’t think he wants to see anybody. You know Richie, when he’s ready to talk, he’ll come to you.”

That wasn’t true, and Eddie knew that he was lying through his teeth. Richie would never come to a person with his problems, ever. He’d once gotten a concussion and passed it off as a headache for two days before making a laughing joke about it once he’d recovered. It had taken Eddie weeks to stop worrying that Richie had caused permanent damage to his brain. Any sort of emotional problem was even worse, it could take days of Eddie or Stan prying at him to open up. 

Stan was looking at him disbelievingly and Eddie couldn’t blame him. It was a weak lie, used mostly to protect himself and Eddie knew it. “Okay, we both know that’s not true. But…” Eddie floundered for a moment before his brain clicked into motion. “Pushing Richie before he’s ready will just push him further away from telling us.”

“You’re right,” Stanley sighed with an eyeroll. “You’re still acting very strange, but you’re right. And if you’re going to be on Richie’s side exclusively about this, don’t make it obvious to Bev. It’s the last thing she needs right now.”

“I’m not on Richie’s side exclusively.” Eddie said indignantly, crossing his arms angrily. Stan gave him that mastered look of a single eyebrow raise and Eddie flushed. “I’m  _ not.  _ There’s no sides, this is shit for everybody!” 

“You can say that again.” Stan huffed out a sigh. “Bill’s already trash talking Richie like he’s getting paid to do it. If Bev wasn’t so upset…” Stan shook his head. “I don’t know. They’s probably going to get back together, anyway. It’s Richie and Beverly. They’ve always been together.”

_ No they haven’t,  _ thought Eddie, who avidly remembered the days before Richie and Beverly were a couple. He knew that nobody ever meant  _ always since the beginning of time  _ when they Richie and Beverly had always been together, but it still burned at Eddie when it heard it. Like Richie and Beverly were so unstoppable force, always meant to be, never swaying. 

Eddie exhaled hard. “I’m going to go outside for some air.”

Stan blinked at him. “It’s still raining.”

Eddie shrugged, already turning away. “I’m only happy when it rains.” 

He could feel how Stan was staring at his back as he let himself out the front door and walked over to the wet railing. He leaned up against it, pulling the sleeves of Richie’s sweater over his hands and exhaled hard. His knee pressed against the wet wood and made his stomach bubble the way only heavy rain could. Along with cars, thunder storms had been one of the things that Eddie remembered most about his father. Sitting out on the Kaspbraks front porch, watching the rain run through the streets and the sky light up with the white forks. Even now, when Sonia would screech about how Eddie would get sick from being outside in the rain, thunderstorms and any sort of heavy rain always gave Eddie a small happy feeling in his chest. 

Eddie hadn’t been standing outside for very long before he heard the front door opening behind him. He knew immediately that it wasn’t Stanley, who had never been the type to chase after anybody but Eddie wasn’t in the mood to play into the game of making things easy for people. Mike came over, leaning against the railing and raised his eyebrow. “What’s going on, little buddy?”

“Feel yucky,” Eddie mumbled, dropping his elbows down onto the wet railing and letting his eye flutter closed. He could still feel Mike’s eyes burning into the side of his head. “Stomach all… gross.”

“Are you sick?” Mike asked, reaching a hand out and pressing it against Eddie’s forehead. Eddie sighed and knocked Mike’s hand away, finally turning to look at the friend who was staring at him expectantly. 

“I think I feel guilty for Richie and Bev breaking up,” Eddie admitted quickly, feeling the words and nerves all coming falling out of his mouth beyond the train of his brain. He watched Mike’s face soften and Eddie’s heart dropped.

“Have you done anything that cause Richie and Bev to break up?” Mike asked. Eddie shook his head. “Did you say anything to Richie, to persuade him to break up with her?  _ Outside of  _ the normal friendly advice?”

“No.” Eddie said brugundingly. 

Mike smiled at him. “Then let yourself off the hook, Eddie. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“I’ve done things wrong,” Eddie said gumly, looking back out at the beginning to water-log grassy lawn. “Maybe I guess I didn’t break up Richie and Bev but I-”

Mike made a loud humming noise. “Eddie Kaspbrak. You need to cut yourself more slack. The only person who thinks you did anything wrong is you, so please. Eddie. Please. Stop. There’s nothing wrong with your feelings for Richie, they’re not bad. And it doesn’t make you responsible for Richie’s relationships.  _ Especially  _ if he doesn’t even know how you feel.”

Eddie pressed his lips together tightly, not quite willing to cry just then. Would he cry over this eventually, yes. But it didn’t feel right to shed tears over Richie while Beverly was so much more rightfully upset just on the other side of the walls. 

“I mean it.” Mike cupped the back of his head, rubbing his thumb against Eddie’s neck. “Stop beating yourself up over things that are out of your control and just let yourself live.” 

Eddie whined. “Why couldn’t I be in love with  _ you _ ? That would be so much better, and it would make so much more sense.”

“That’s flattering, Eddie.” Mike chuckled. “Now are we going to talk about you saying that you’re in love with Richie?” 

Eddie hummed, smirking up at Mike sarcastically. “No. We absolutely are  _ not  _ going to talk about that.” 

Mike tucked Eddie under his arm and guided him back into the house. Eddie stayed amongst his friends, very thankful that Beverly seemed to have stopped crying even though she wasn’t her usual upbeat and happy self, until he was hiding his yawns behind his hand. 

“Maybe you should head up to bed, Eddie.” Beverly said, reaching out and squeezing Eddie’s knee. “I know you get all weird road jet-lag thing whenever you travel North. And you’ve been doing it for two days.”

_ And I slept like garbage last night in the bench of Richie’s truck instead of in a bed because I’m a big giant idiot,  _ Eddie thought but just gave his friends a sleepy smile and stumbled up the stairs. He let himself quietly into the bedroom, tip toeing in as he was sure that Richie was asleep, but was surprised to see Richie staring up at the ceiling. 

“Hey,” Eddie said softly, moving over to take his bags off the bed and drop them onto the floor at the bottom. Richie was quiet long enough that Eddie looked over his shoulder towards him, seeing his friend still just staring up at the ceiling. “I’m going to go to bed now, I’m really tired because-”

“Road-lag,” Richie responded, voice coming out in a dry croke from lack of use. Eddie frowned slightly, fiddling with the edge of the blanket before crawling into bed. 

“Okay…” Eddie said slowly, punching the pillow into a softer lay and rolled onto his side. Looking away from Richie. “Well. Goodnight, Rich.”

“G’night, Eds.” Richie said quietly, Eddie hearing him roll over. Richie turned away from Eddie, too. 

Despite the tension of anxiety in his stomach, Eddie was very groggy and it was easy for his brain to start to doze. His brain moved into the fuzzy state where he almost felt as though he was floating, and not in control of his thought process at all. Just as Eddie’s half-aware brain was sure that he was about to slip into unconsciousness, something caught through to him and brought him back into reality. Grumbling slightly under his breath, Eddie rolled over and looked through the darkness of the room and narrowed his eyes in the an weak attempt to see through teh nothing.

The noise became progressively louder, and a little bit wetter, and Eddie frowned out into the room as struggled to push through the messy thoughts in his head. He was a little ashamed that it took him so long to realize what it was that had brought his brain back to life, and once he did it was though his heart had bubbled right up into his throat and was threatening to escape out of his mouth. 

Richie was crying, not just crying but full body shaking sobbing. Eddie stared at him helplessly for a moment, mouth dropping open and knowing his own face was crumbling. He knew that Richie would want Eddie to roll back over and pretend he hadn’t heard anything. Eddie couldn’t just do that, knowing that Richie needed comfort when he was so upset even if he’d never ask for it. Even if Richie didn’t want anybody to know, if he didn’t want  _ Eddie  _ to know. Eddie bounced back and forth for a long moment with the privacy need, and the strain of their friendship right now, and the acknowledge of all the things Eddie had done today… Eddie shook his head and jumped out of bed.

Padding across the floor, Eddie hesitated for a moment at the edge of Richie’s bed. Eddie reached out and rested a hand onto Richie’s shoulder and squeezed. Richie startled, rolling onto his back and jerking away from Eddie’s touch. Richie wiped a little wildly at his wet cheeks and coughed awkwardly. “I’m okay, Eds. I’m fine.” Richie said quickly, clearing at his throat the thickness from his tears. “Just go back to sleep. I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“Shut up.” Eddie shook his head, pushing at Richie until there was enough room for Eddie to climb into the bed beside him. Richie made a confused noise as Eddie laid down beside him, casually letting an arm drop around Richie’s waist and tug him closer. Richie’s head automatically dropped down onto Eddie’s chest, but he could feel the tension between them. 

“Thought we were too old to share the same bed,” Richie mumbled. His hands were still pressed against his stomach, wrapping around himself instead of fully settling into Eddie’s hold. 

Eddie sighed softly. “Shut up,” he repeated, squeezing Richie’s body hip. Richie relaxed into him then, tucking his head a little bit more into Eddie’s neck and shifting his legs so that his and Eddie’s legs tangled together under the blankets. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Richie shook his head against Eddie’s neck, Eddie feeling the way Richie’s body shook slightly and there was a hint of wetness pressing against Eddie’s skin now. Eddie stroked up and down Richie’s back, letting another hand come up to cup the side of Richie’s head to stroke at his hair. “It’s okay. You’re okay. I got you.”

Eddie couldn’t get anywhere close to falling back asleep until Richie’s cries had quieted and his breathing had evened out. He knew that he should get out of Richie’s bed, stop allowing himself to hold Richie in a way that he knew was only going to lead his own hurt. But he weakly told himself that if he moved then Richie could wake up, and then get upset again. So, Eddie didn’t move and he didn’t Richie go and eventually he fell asleep.

When Eddie came to, it was the to the sound of crashing and blundering. Sitting up quickly, Eddie squinted in the suddenly sunlight room and looked at Richie, who was tossing his belongings around the room like he was trying to be some makeshift natural disaster. Eddie rubbed at his eyes, frowning. “What are you doing?”

Richie turned around, giving Eddie the coldest look he’d ever received from the boy. It was cold enough that it made every part of Eddie’s insides freeze up, they may as well as sprouted icicles themselves. “I’m going back to Derry.”

Eddie gaped at him. “What? Because of Beverly, Rich you don’t have to-”

“No,  _ not  _ because of Bev.” Richie said, his voice almost dripping venom. At Eddie. Directed to Eddie. 

Tears sprung up into Eddie’s eyes as he watched Richie stuffing clothes into his bag. “Richie, what’s going on…?”

Richie turned slowly, face contorted up in a way that Eddie had never seen before. “When I got up this morning, I remembered what you said yesterday. About having gummy bears.” Richie said slowly, his voice harsh and driving an ach directly into Eddie’s chest with each word. His heart was beating so loudly in his ear that Eddie almost couldn’t hear what Richie was saying. “And I couldn’t help but feel like you teased me about them yesterday, so I went into your bag to get them.”

_ Fuck.  _ Eddie knew his eyes had blown open wide, that his face had likely even lost colour. “Richie, I…”

Richie grabbed the tape from inside his belongings and shook it. His face looked completely pained and Eddie had to choke back a sad sound. “Did you listen to this? Eddie?”

“I…” Eddie swallowed roughly. “Not really, no. I… Sort of?”

Richie made a disgusted noise and tossed the mix tape back towards the ground. “Okay, so what then? Is that why you kissed me yesterday? You felt guilty or whatever? Some pity bullshit?” He swung his backpack onto his shoulder and stormed out of the room. Eddie’s heart was meeting a million beats per minute as he nearly fell out of the bed in the haste to chase after Richie’s much longer legs.

“Richie, Richie, wait, wait!” Eddie almost fell down the stairs, tripping over his socked feet as Richie was already pulling on the front door. “Richie,  _ please.”  _

Ben and Stan had both come to the doorway between the living room and front entry, watching between them with confused and nervous looks. There was a deep suspicion on Stan’s face, a narrow of his eyebrows and a quirk of his lips, but Eddie jet right past them. “Richie, please,  _ please  _ don’t go home. You don’t have to go.”

Richie looked at Eddie for a moment, almost like he wanted to speak, but ended up simply shaking his head and slamming the door on his way out. Eddie let out a soft sob, pressing a hand over his mouth and he took two steps away from the door. 

He ran directly into Ben, who pressed a hand on the small of Eddie’s back. Eddie jumped slightly, and stumbled back against the door.

“Eddie, go after him.” Ben said softly, giving him a reassuring smile. “It’s still raining out there, and you know Richie can’t focus when he’s angry. I don’t know what happened, but you’re not just going to let him disappear out there like that.”

Eddie swallowed roughly, stomach feeling tense and a little bit like he might throw up. Or pass out. Or throw up and  _ then  _ pass out. But he turned from Stan and Ben, and rushed out of the front door. 

The second he was down off the front porch, he could feel himself getting drench through. He could see through the heavy rain that Richie was completely drenched and struggling to get the truck door open with his shaking hands. “Richie,  _ stop.”  _

Richie turned around and even in the seriousness of the situation, his breath caught in his throat. Richie’s hair was plastered to his forehead, his shirt sticking to his body. Eddie rubbed his hands together and took a single step towards him. “I’m sorry I listened to the tape when you asked me not to,” Eddie said, having to speak loudly over the sound of the rain and wind. “I only listened to the one song and then I had to turn it off. I couldn’t listen to anymore than that.”

Richie just continued to stare at him, not moving, not blinking. His face was a blank canvas that Eddie wanted to paint happiness and peace all over. “I shouldn’t have listened to it. You made it clear that you didn’t want me to, and I did it anyway. I’m  _ sorry.  _ But don’t think for a second that what happened yesterday was because of that tape or even anything that you did, okay? It was my own thing. My own… issues. My shit.” Eddie inhaled hard, all of his breath long gone and Richie was still just staring at him. “You’re my best friend, Richie. You’re like… the most important person in the world to me. I don’t know what I’d do without you, or if you decided that you didn’t want to be my friend anymore. I think the world would be… pretty unbearable without you. No matter how much of a bitch I can be to you sometimes.”

Eddie could dimly see Richie’s expression soften even through the rain, his friend taking a step or two towards him. Eddie continued wringing his hands, breathing heavily. “I’m sorry I kissed you yesterday, and that I made you all confused and upset about it. I know the last thing you need is that drama, and it doesn’t matter if I have a super big crush on you. Because more than that you’re my best friend, and that’s what matters. None of the rest of that stuff. Just please… tell me you’re going to drive back to Derry in this weather. It’s not safe.”

Richie blinked at him a few times, looking similar to the time Hockstetter had knocked his head against the cement and giving him a concussion. “You have a crush on me?”

Eddie was  _ definitely  _ going to throw up now. He stepped back just slightly, before turning away and rushed through the wet grass. He ran until he reached the dock, and then ran completely down the dock until he reached the very end. He turned slowly, cursing his white person in a horror movie train of thought of not simply running somewhere not stupid, and watch Richie reach the dock. He walked slowly towards Eddie, hands out slowly as though he was approaching an injured animal. 

“Eddie…” Richie said slowly, almost having to nearly yell over the roaring rain. “I’m going to kiss you now.”

Eddie gasped. “You can’t.” 

Richie raised his eyebrows. “You can’t just this kind of stuff to me and expect me not to kiss you. I’m going to count to ten, and then I’m going to kiss you. If you don’t want me to do that, then I guess you’re just going to have to stop me.”

Eddie’s heart hammered, looking all over except into Richie’s eyes. He watched Richie’s feet as he began to walk towards him. “10… 9… 8…” Richie took a step with every number and he was soon pressing against Eddie. Their legs pressed together, Richie’s hands come out to wrap around Eddie’s wrists. “6… 5… 4…”

Eddie pushed up onto his toes and pressed his lips against Richie’s. It was harsh at first, Eddie missed slightly but Richie tilted his head down and moved their lips together more smoothly. Richie’s hands moved from Eddie’s wrists to waist, as Eddie slid his hands up to grasp at Richie’s shoulders. He clutched at the wet fabric, tugging on Richie to bring him closer.

Eddie, though, of course, like the perfect love sick dumbass he was had forgotten exactly where he’d left himself standing until he and Richie were both tumbling backwards into the lake. The water hadn’t experienced enough summer warmth to comfortable, and the multiple days of rain had left it with a deep burning chill. Eddie gasped loudly as he resurfaced, frantically pushing the wet hair out of his face. He watched the water rippled and Richie come up, laughing.

“Holy shit, this water is absolutely fucking freezing,” Richie whined, shaking his hair out like a wet dog. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, I think my balls are going to fall the fuck off.”

Eddie laughed, swimming forward to Richie, then stalling. Richie squinted at him. “Can you maybe see my glasses by any chance?”

Eddie looked around, feeling nervous for a second, then spotted them floating nearby. “Yeah, yes, hold on.” Eddie swam over to them, grabbing them out of the water, and floating back. He straighten up in front of Richie, reaching out to place the glasses onto Richie’s face. His tongue stuck out in concentration and once the glasses were settled on Richie’s nose, Eddie took a leap of faith and ran his fingers through Richie’s soaking wet mop of hair.

Richie’s face dropped into the softness expression that Eddie ever seen his life, tilting his head slightly to the side and giving him a gooey smile. Eddie only realized a second before Richie kissed him what was going to happen, but he quickly wrapped his arms around Richie’s neck as their lips together. They move together for several moments, Eddie gasping as he felt Richie’s tongue tracing along his bottom lip. They kissed for several more moments, until Richie shivered almost violently and they broke apart with soft giggles. 

Richie’s nose dug into Eddie’s cheek and Eddie felt him say something against his skin, but he couldn’t hear him over the rain. 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter features use of homophobic slurs and minor depictions of violence!!

Eddie was avoiding Richie. It had been two weeks since the Losers had gotten back from Bill’s lakehouse, and Richie hadn’t seen Eddie once. Admittedly, he’d barely seen any of the Losers at all. Beverly obviously didn’t want to see him, and every time Bill looked at Richie he got his weird sad puppy look that was so annoying that  _ Richie  _ had started avoiding  _ him,  _ and Mike seemed to be having some sort of family issues and had fallen off the grid completely. He and Ben had never really been the  _ lets go hang out just us being buds  _ type of friends. But Eddie shutting him out definitely stung, because Richie didn’t know why it was happening. In any other occasion when Eddie gets upset with Richie, he could put his mind to it and figure out what he said or did to make Eddie upset. This time, everything had been fine until the ride home, Eddie getting quieter and quieter the closer they got to Derry. He’d asked Richie to drop him off at his house instead of going back to hang out with Richie, and he hadn’t seen Eddie since. Eddie had even started closing his bedroom window at night, something he never did in the warmer weather. It was all Richie needed to know that Eddie wanted nothing to do with him. 

Fine. If Eddie wanted nothing to do with him, and both Bill and Bev seemed unable to look him in the eyes, fine. Richie had other friends.

Richie let himself into the bedroom, flicking the overhead lights on and kicking at the lump in his best friend’s bed. “Get up. Stop being depressed, I’m bored.”

Stan popped up from under the covers and glared at Richie, his hair a greasy matted mess on his head. “Go away. I have no future, and I want to die.”

“You’re a goddamn drama queen, you know that?” Richie grumbled, stomping over and dropping onto Stanley’s mattress. “Has anybody ever told you how dramatic you are? There’s nobody more dramatic than you. I don’t even know what the hell you’re talking about.”

Stan sat up in the bed, glowering at his best friend. He crossed his arms and stuck out his bottom lip, gave a crinkle of his nose. “My grades are slipping and I’m going to have to go to community college and I’ll never amount to anything so I might as well die now.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Richie whined. “I am having a very confusing time in my life, so can you please explain or move on?” 

Stan sighed, dropping his defensive body language while still glowering at Richie. “When I was late meeting you on the last day of school? I was meeting the counsellor. My marks have really dropped this year, really bad.  He suggested that I start looking at more… local schools.”

Richie’s mouth dropped open. “ _ What?  _ Like community colleges?” Richie started shaking his head. “No, that’s bullshit. Stan Uris isn’t a community college guy.”

Stan jumped out of the bed, feet stomping along the carpeted floor. “Shut up, Richie! Not everybody can be some sort of dumbass genius like you!  _ Some people  _ struggle in life. Not everybody can just wake up and everything be fine  _ always.”  _

Richie swallowed  a little roughly. Thinking of Beverly’s tears, of how Bill can’t look him in the eye, of his mixtape and Eddie’s kisses and Eddie’s silence. He tightened his shoulders and stared at Stan until he watched his best friend’s resolve fall. 

“I’m sorry,” Stan said, running his fingers through his uncharacteristically dirty hair. “I didn’t mean that.. I obviously… sorry.”

“It’s chill,” Richie said with a shrug. Stanley Uris had always had a habit of saying things he didn’t necessarily mean when he was upset and Richie wasn’t the only person who’d been the bunt of one of Stan’s thoughtless comments. His best friend had gotten better at controlling it as they’d all gotten older, but it still slipped out every once and awhile. Richie had become an expert at shrugging it off. So, he did. 

Standing up, Richie walked towards and stared him in the eyes. “You’re not going to a fucking community college. We’re going to school together, just like we always said. UCLA, baby. If you’re having issues then I’ll help you. Don’t freak out and go all fuzzy.” 

“You’re a terrible tutor,” Stan said, but he was staring at Richie a little watery. 

Richie clasped him tightly on the shoulder. “Say it with me, Uris, come on.  _ UCLA _ . It’s the dream.”

“UCLA.” Stan nodded, finally giving Richie a smile. Richie released his grip on Stanley’s shoulder, patting him a few times in the same spot. He stepped away from Stan and moved towards his closet, throwing the doors open. 

“Okay, let’s go do something,  _ please. _ ” Richie pleaded, clasping his hands together and debating whether he wanted to drop to his knees to complete the begging. But Stan was already staring at him with a look of concern and Richie realized he might have been behaving a little bit too desperate. Crossing over the line from funny to genuine, as he seemed to be doing more often as of late. 

“Hey, Rich,” Stan said, his face dropping a little bit. Richie’s stomach dropped with it. “I didn’t mean to say you don't have any problems. I know that.. Richie… when we were at the lake house, Bev and Bill-”

Richie quickly head his hands up, shaking his head. “Stan, can you do me a favour and… not tell me?” Stan let out an odd sound, something half between confusion and surprise. Richie sighed. “If nobody ever tells me, then I can pretend that I don’t already know.”

And oh… Richie knew. How could he  _ not  _ know? From Bill’s inability to meet his eye, to the radio silence from all his friends. Of  _ course  _ he knew. But what right did he have to be upset about it?  

Sighing and rubbing his hands together awkwardly, Richie gave Stan a quick smile. “It’s way too heavy, man. I don’t have time to worry about all this, it’s summer, dude! Our last summer being kids! Let’s go do some summer shit!” 

Stan gave Richie a sad little smile, and let himself get dragged over to his drawers to get dressed. Richie kept offering up several outfits options to Stan, all of which were turned down with a crinkle of nose and disappointed shake of his head. 

“I don’t know why you’re turning down everything I suggest!” Richie whined, but he was grinning from ear to ear. He bounced on the balls of his feet as Stan changed into the outfit he’d found appropriate. “All the clothes I picked out belonged to you. Do you hate your wardrobe that much?”

“No, Richard,” Stan sighed out, but Richie could sniff out the fondness in his voice. “You just managed to find every article of clothing I own that could never be worn together, and suggested that. It’s not the clothes that are the problem, it’s just you.” 

Richie just let out a laugh, tossing an arm around Stan’s shoulders and guiding towards Stanley’s bedroom door. “Let’s go, Stanny. I need to stop off at home, though.”

“Didn’t you just  _ come  _ from your house?”

Stan and Richie chatted mindlessly through the entire walk from the Uris’ house to the Tozier’s, which was admittedly not a very large one. Richie and Stan definitely lived the closest of all the Losers, only about a block between them,  and it had been a big pull in them becoming as close best friends as they now were. End of day carpools and youthful play dates had brought Richie and Stan together as best friends before they were even hanging out with Bill and Eddie back in the day. Richie supposed that he would never have another friend that he loved as much as he loved Stanley Uris.

Richie slowed carefully, eyeing his driveway as he noticed a car that most definitely had not been there when he’d left to go Stanley’s that morning. Richie frowned, glancing curiously over his shoulder at Stan.

“Your dad’s home?” Stan asked, sounding understandably confused. Wentworth Tozier was rarely home, always pulling late hours at the office or even going out for multiple days at time to conventions. Whatever kind of conventions were for dentists, Richie wasn’t sure. It didn’t bother him, much. His dad was cool whenever he was around, always quick to toss Richie a few bucks if he asked, and when he wasn’t around, Richie was more than happy living alone with his mother or even being completely alone himself.  

Richie shrugged, feeling a little bit weird. He rubbed at wrist, frowning at father’s seemingly freshly cleaned car.  He took a single step towards the house, then another two steps back. He ran almost directly into Stan’s chest, Stan’s hands coming out and resting on Richie’s arms to keep them both steady. 

“What’s wrong?” Stan asked, but Richie knew his best friend well enough to know that he felt it, too. The weird tension in the air, the feeling of wanting to walk away and act as though they’d never seen the car parked out front. The want to go about their day until they forgot about the discomfort in their bellies. But Richie couldn’t do that, and judging by the defeated look in Stan’s eyes, he knew it. Richie sighed, clenching his fists at his sides, and moved towards the front door of his home. 

His stomach leapt uncomfortably as he heard the sound of voices laughing- no, more like giggling- coming from up the stairs. Looking over his shoulder, he quietly told Stan to wait there as he moved up the stairs. Stepping as carefully as he could, knowing exactly what steps in this old house creaked from many nights of sneaking back inside to not wake his mother. He reached out for handle to his parents’ bedroom, and pushed it open slowly. 

He reeled backwards, letting out a gasp that he simply couldn’t contain, at the sight of his father and the… blonde hair. Blonde hair. All Richie had time to register was the blonde hair and look of horror on Wentworth’s face before he was turning around and taking off back down the stairs. 

“Richie!” His father was calling after him, the distinct sound of Went’s feet hitting the ground behind him. Richie took the stairs three at a time, nearly tripping and breaking his ankle on the landing. Wincing, but refusing to slow down, Richie rushed past Stan and towards the front door once again.

“What happened?” Stan shouted, sounding more frantic than Richie had really heard him sound since childhood. Richie froze at the front door, hand pressed roughly against the door frame as he heard his father coming down the stairs. Richie turned around and looked at the man who was supposed be his father,  with messy bed head and wearing only a pair pajamas pants that had clearly been thrown on his rush and were one backwards. Bile rose up in Richie’s throat, and disgust cultured in his blood. He forced his gaze back down onto the ground as The Woman came down the stairs and squeezed past him out of the house. He was thankful that, at least, Richie managed to never get a good look at her. 

“Richie…” Wentworth coughed out awkwardly. Stan was glancing between the father and son with wide, scared eyes and Richie just pursed his lips and continued to stare his father down with the type of serious coldness that Wentworth had never seen on his son’s face. “We need to talk about this.”

“No, that’s okay,” Richie said, trying to cold and detached but his voice cracking at the end of his sentence gave him away. “I don’t really need any details, that’s really really… that’s fine, Dad. We don’t have anything to talk about.” 

“I’m going to… go.” Stan said, inching towards the left-open door. Richie nodded slightly at his best friend, then turned back to his father. He heard the front door close and signify that Stan was gone. 

“Does mom know?” Richie asked, even as he knew the answer. This was not something that Maggie could possibly know about. Richie’s life would be much different if she did. God… Richie’s life was about to change completely, wasn’t it? 

“No, son, she doesn’t… she…” Went look pitiful. Nothing like the strong and loving if not a little absent father Richie had always known. Richie didn’t know this man. Maybe he’d never really known him , at all. “It’s not important to bother her with this. I’m ending it.”

“How long has it been going on?” Richie asked hoarsely. His father was not only cheating on his mother, but had possibly been doing it for long time. They’d been none the wise, either of them. 

Went looked pained. “Please don’t tell her, Rich. I know I shouldn’t expect any favours from you, but this will only hurt her. She’ll leave me, take you kids. Break our family apart.”

“And that would be my fault?” Richie squeaked, feeling tears pool in his eyes. 

Wentworth seemed to panic, hands flailing towards his distressed son but hands settling back down at his own side. Richie’s heart sunk as he saw himself in those actions. He’d always been just like his father, everybody always said so. Until today, it had been one of the compliments that Richie Tozier had felt the most pride in. 

”No! No, Rich.” Wentworth said sadly, shaking his head. Richie was almost the same height as him now, but he looked much the child in this moment. Shuffling awkwardly on his feet and staring stubbornly at the ground so his father wouldn’t see his tears. “It would be mine, and I’d probably deserve it to happen. This has all been a terrible mistake, and I’ll do anything to make it right  I can’t do that if you tell Maggie so please, give me a chance here, son. Please.” 

“I…” Richie cleared his throat and shook his head. “I don’t know, I don’t… I need to think. I just need… I need to be by myself.” 

Richie took the stairs two at a time, not able to look at the disappointed and worried look on his father’s face. He moved quickly into his bedroom, locking the door behind him, and tossed himself onto his bed with a flop. He buried his face into the pillows and screamed into it. 

He wasn’t sure how long he laid like that, half-hoping the pillows would suffocate him and he wouldn’t have to face any of his problems. Wouldn’t have to be around Beverly’s passive aggressive-ness, or hang around with Bill who couldn’t look at him, or feel his heart ache a little bit more with every day that passes without Eddie talking to him. Wouldn’t have to fight with the choice of whether or not to explode his parents marriage. 

And maybe he should. His dad was right; Maggie would leave. She’d pack up herself, Rich and baby Elii and leave. Probably move back up to Castle Rock where her mom lived and Richie would be free from Derry. All the things he loved about this place was ruined now anyway, and all that was left were the bad. 

The sound of Richie’s bedroom window opening and something very obviously falling inside startled Richie away from his deprecating thoughts. Eddie Kaspbrak stumbled to his feet and brushed off invisible dust from his running shorts. Richie blinked at him, sure for a second that maybe he  _ had  _ suffocated in his pillows and was now in a heaven where Eddie actually loved him.

“I’ve been avoiding you,” Eddie said, sounding both guilty and glum. He fiddled with his hands, pulling on the tips of his fingers and frowning. He, at least, seemed able to look at Richie- which was more than he could say about half the other people in his life, right now. 

“Yeah. I’d kind of noticed.” Richie said, rolling off his stomach and pushing himself into a seated position on the bed, pressed up against the pillows he’d just been trying to drown in. He’d expected Eddie to come and sit down beside him, but Eddie moved to Richie’s desk chair, sitting backwards on it. He rested his arms around the top and dropped his chin down on top of them. 

“I’m sorry.” Eddie said, giving Richie a small smile. Richie gave him the same smile back, knowing that Eddie- once again, and likely not for the last time- had the floor. “I just… I had a lot to think about, you know? We kissed at that… that could change everything. Our friendship, our lives. Maybe we can’t go back but-”

“We can go back.” Richie sighed, tucking his arms behind his head and trying to settle more comfortably while feeling being extremely uncomfortable right down to his core. “It’s fine if you don’t want to be with me, honestly. I can take rejection.”

Eddie gaped at Richie, then pouted, looking only moments away from crying. “It’s not that I don’t want to, Rich! That’s not… at all true, okay?  It’s just… do you really think it would be a good idea? Would it even go anywhere, we can’t… We would never be able to tell anybody, we couldn’t ever get married or have kids, so why… We’d have to break up eventually, people could never accept us and-”

Not for the first time today- but  _ god,  _ hopefully for the last- Richie felt like he might throw up. Shaking his head, he turned away from Eddie even as it meant he had to look at the wall. “It’s fine, Eds. We’re still.. Us. You don’t need to explain anymore.  _ Please  _ don’t explain anymore. I get it. This isn’t even the worst part of my day.” 

Eddie’s face contorted up awkwardly, shifting in the chair was though he wasn’t sure whether he was going to go to the bed or not. “What happened? Is this because of Bill-”

“No!” Richie said quickly, feeling his face heat up. Because even Eddie knew about that, even after spending that whole lakehouse trip boarded up in the bedroom with Richie. “No… I uh-” He probably shouldn’t tell Eddie, it was a secret. He wasn’t even sure if he was going to tell his mother, yet. But if Richie couldn’t trust Eddie Kaspbrak, then he really couldn’t trust anybody in the world. “I caught my dad today. He was…with another woman. He’s having an affair.” 

Eddie’s mouth dropped open and he stared at Richie for a moment. Seeming like he was trying to figure out if Richie was making one of his  _ that’s not funny!  _ joked or not. He seemed to find the truth he was looking for rather quickly, because he nearly fell out of the desk chair in his haste to get beside Richie on the bed. “What? Does he know you saw him?”

“Yeah,” Richie chuckled wetly. “He asked me to tell Maggie.”

Eddie made an angry noise in the back of his throat. “He can’t fucking ask you to do that! That’s not fair! Who the fuck does he think he is?”

Richie tried to rub subtly at the tears that were starting to grow in his eyes again. “He made some good points, you know? That my mom would leave, take Eliina and I with her, wherever she goes. And he… he promised that he was ending it, and then maybe I  _ shouldn't  _ tell my mom. Upset her over something that I don’t need to.” 

Eddie let out a soft little sigh that Richie could feel on the side of his face. He turned to look at Eddie, thinking for a fleeting moment that this was the closest they’d been in two weeks. Richie could lean over a kiss him if he wanted to… but Eddie didn’t want him to. And that wasn’t the issue at a hand.

“Well, I guess….” Eddie gave Richie a small half smile. “I guess it really comes to if you believe your dad or not? Do  _ you  _ think he’s telling the truth when he says he’s going to break it off?”

Richie let out a shaky breath, his vision dancing away as it was coated over with tears. He felt the bed shifted as Eddie put an arm around his shoulders, tugging Richie to him. Richie fell limply against Eddie’s chest, turning his face into the fabric of his shirt. It smelt like Eddie- baby powder and laundry detergent, a little bit of vanilla that Richie could never trace a source to. There was a hint of sweat there, no doubt from the summer heat, but it wasn’t an unpleasant smell either. Richie cried against Eddie for a moment, then lifted his head, staring at the scattering of freckles across Eddie’s nose. 

Eddie’s lips parted open, and seemed to be leaning in before he was even aware he was doing it. Just as Eddie’s eyes started to slip shut, Richie’s heart startled. “Wait, wait, Eddie-” Richie coughed out like it was being ripped from his chest. “If you’re going to kiss me right now, and then avoid me for another two weeks or tell me again that we can’t be together then just… please don’t. I can brush off one rejection, but I think our friends might take some hints if I have to do it again.”

Eddie’s jaw clenched then quivered, his eyes dancing over Richie’s face. He reached up to cup the side of Richie’s head, falling forward to press a harsh kiss to Richie’s forehead. It was hard enough that Richie felt Eddie might have bruised his lips in the action. Eddie pulled back, still holding onto Richie’s face, and pressed a much softer kiss to Richie’s cheek.

Richie smile weakly, tearfully, up at Eddie when the other boy pulled away. “I’m tired, Eds.” He wasn’t entirely sure what he was talking about, what it was exactly that he was tired of. If he was tired of anything at all, or if he was tired of everything all together. 

“Okay,” Eddie stroked mindlessly against Richie’s cheek, then reached out to toss Richie’s NASA bedspread over them both. Eddie shifted further down the bed, draping an arm around Richie and pulling him against his chest. Richie settled against him easily, letting his arms wrap around Eddie’s waist and legs falling together. It felt eerily similar to that first day at the lakehouse. 

Richie chuckled against Eddie’s collar bones, feeling the way it made Eddie shutter. “So much for being too loud to share the bed, huh, my love?”

Eddie scoffed, rubbing his hand up and down Richie’s back. “Just take your nap, jackass.”

Richie nuzzled against Eddie’s chest- because hell if he wasn’t a bit of self indulger- and found it was easy to be lulled off to sleep with the warmth from Eddie’s body and steady rise and fall of his breaths.

He wasn’t sure how long he’d slept, but when he came back into the world of the waking, Eddie was putting tiny little braids into his hair and singing under his breath.

_ “No shadows block the sun… you’re all I’ve ever needed… Baby, you’re the one.” _

Richie sighed, rubbing his nose against Eddie’s neck. He felt Eddie stop playing with his hair, and Richie let out a pitiful whine. “No need to stop. Please continue to serenade me. I love that song.”

It was quiet for a moment, then… “I know.”

Shit, well, yeah. He guessed that Eddie  _ did  _ know. And that brought the world crashing back down around Richie, moment completely broken.  Richie rolled away from Eddie and moved to rest on his elbow, while rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “Thanks for staying, Eds. You didn’t have to.”

Eddie gave a little shrug and half a smile. “I’ll always stay with you, if you want me to.”

Richie stretched his body out across the bed, letting out little screechy noises until Eddie hit him with a pillow and cackled. “How do you manage to make even the most basic of actions annoying?” 

Richie bit down on his tongue and crinkled up his nose. “It’s my greatest gift.”

Eddie swatted at him once again, lightly and with a grin. “Do you want to go for a walk or something? We could head down to the park… Thought maybe you’d want to get out of this place for a while. Clear your head.”

“Jokes on you, my Eds.” Richie said, already peeling out of the bed. “My head is always clear. Might as well be empty.”

Eddie rolled his eyes and accepted the hand that Richie outstretched for him. As they stood, Richie and Eddie lowered their hands to their sides and left their fingers clasped together. They moved out of the still empty Tozier house, and watched peacefully down to the park on main street. Once they’d gotten outside, they had taken their hands apart but at some point their pinkies had found one around and linked together as they moved through the park full of screaming children. 

“It’s just… you know, he’s right?” Richie was saying, swinging his arms as he walked and causing Eddie’s one hand to follow his through the air. “Ma doesn’t even like this place, and there’s hospitals everywhere. She’d leave.”

Eddie curled his pinkie a little tighter around Richie’s, as though it would keep him close forever. An mocking voice called out to them through the park before Eddie could answer Richie’s concerns. “Hey! Faggots!”

Richie stiffened as Eddie seemed to wilter. Their fingers fell apart as Richie turned to watch Patrick Hockstetter moved through the park like a lion stalking towards its spotted prey. Eddie was already bending at the knees, ready to grab Richie and run. Sometimes Patrick alone was worse than if he was with Bowers. It was as though, when Bowers was around, Patrick locked back up some of his crazy so that Henry never had any reason to believe that Patrick was nuttier than he was. But Richie knew the truth.

“You should probably just fuck off, Hockstetter,” Richie said, making sure to drop his voice down an octave. “I’m really not in the mood to deal with your bullshit today.”

“But you aren’t running from me.” Patrick licked at his lips, letting his eyes fall between Eddie and Richie. “Is it because of your little queer boyfriend? Your weakness?”

Eddie glanced at Richie slowly, watching the way his jaw clenched and his nose twitched. Almost like a hint of a growl. Richie’s hands were now clenched at his sides, posture defensive. Eddie wanted to grab him, pull Richie away and run. Never let Patrick get anywhere near him again. Eddie could still see in his mind the look of Richie’s face on the last day of school, remember sitting by his side as the doctor told him he a concussion from one of Patrick’s attacks.

“Does he know, Tozier?” Patrick was practically salivating over Richie, who simply stared him down. “How you’d take a beating for him? Start a fight you could never win for him?” Patrick grabbed hold of Richie’s chin and jerked his head from one side to the other. “Does he know what an absolute…  _ idiot  _ …. you are for him?” 

Richie raised one brow, while Eddie felt his body begin to shake. “Don’t you think this self projection is getting a little pathetic, Patty boy? We all know about your undying murder boner for Bowers, no need to force that onto Eds and I.”

Using his grip on Richie’s chin, he tossed Richie’s body to the ground. His foot came out and crushed down on Richie’s chest as Richie rolled over and attempted to get up. “Somehow you always manage to surprise me with how fucking mouthy you are. It would be brave, if it wasn’t so  _ stupid.”  _ Patrick turned to Eddie, without releasing Richie from underfoot, and grinned. “If it’s not true, then I guess you won’t mind if fag boy here and I have a little talk. That should be fine, right?”

Richie thrashed under Patrick’s foot, quickly shoving at it and getting Patrick off. Patrick stumbled but managed to keep his footing. He let out an almost hyena-like laugh, his eyes flashing at Richie as he scrambled off the ground. “Do not fucking touch me. Get out of here, Eds.” 

“No.” Eddie said fiercely, looking between Patrick’s wolfish grin and the stubborn chill on Richie’s face. “I’m not leaving you.”

“Awe, that’s sweet.” Patrick was almost slurring his words with the amount of toxins that were falling from them. “Wheezy and Bucky Beaver. It would almost be cute, if wasn’t so fucking disgusting.”

Richie dove at Patrick before Eddie even had the chance to blink. The two of them went down, rolling around almost humorously on the ground. Richie legs kicked out as Patrick finally got on top, bringing out blow after blow. Eddie’s stomach churned as he heard Richie let out a small, inhuman noise and be jumped onto Patrick’s back.

Patrick stumbled, falling back onto the ground and crushing Eddie underneath him. Eddie gasped, all the air being knocked out of his lungs. Patrick seemed to rub himself backwards onto Eddie’s body, pushing him further into the ground and making it all the harder for him to breathe. Then it almost like Patrick flew off of him.

Patrick landed onto the ground next to Eddie, and Richie’s leg seemed to come out of nowhere. It connected directly with the middle of Patrick’s face and oh… Oh, Eddie heard the crack. The blood seemed to start flowing instantly and Patrick let out a horrifying moan. Patrick cupped his face as Eddie pulled himself to his feet.

Richie’s arm came out around the front of Eddie’s body, around his belly and waist. He pressed his cheek against Richie’s shoulder and forced himself to look at Richie’s face rather than Patrick laying on the ground. Patrick would get up soon enough, and Richie had just signed a death wish.

“Stay away from me,” Richie said, sounding much braver than the paleness of his cheeks and the wide, glossy look in his eyes were saying. “And stay the  _ fuck  _ away from Eddie.”

Richie lowered his arm from in front of Eddie so that just his hand rested on Eddie’s hips, turning Eddie away and moving so they could both walk from the scene. Patrick was screaming something at them, but it hard to make it out through the blood and soon it faded away into the background.

The walk back to the Toziers house was deathly silent, very different from the usual comfortable silence that would fall between Eddie and Richie. Eddie’s attention was torn between looking at the bubbling up bruises on Richie’s face- ones that were replacing those that had only just faded completely- and his brain going over everything that Patrick had said. 

Had that fight on the last day of school been about him? 

Richie unlocked the Tozier’s front door and Eddie followed him inside. The house was still silent outside of their footsteps. Eddie’s heart started racing as he looked at Richie, just as Richie turned to look at him. Richie gave a forced smile. “I guess you wanna go play all doctor on me so-”

Eddie threw himself at Richie, arms coming up to cling around his neck. He pressed his lips roughly against Richie’s, hearing Richie let out a startled gasp. Eddie readjusted the kiss so their lips moved together more comfortably. Richie’s back thumped against the entry room wall, him sliding slowly down in until he sitting down and Eddie was left seated on Richie’s thighs. 

Then Richie kissed him back. His hand gripped at Eddie’s thigh, digging his nails in it, as a hand came up and cupped the side of Eddie’s cheek. The hand was large enough to cover half of Eddie’s cheek and fall across his neck. Eddie let out small noise and squeezed the arms around Richie’s neck tighter together. 

“Wait,” Richie pulled back from the kiss, though Eddie’s arms around his neck stopped him from being able to pull very far away. Richie’s eyes were blown out, and the bruises underneath them somehow sparked something inside Eddie’s stomach. His lips were red and bitten. “You said we shouldn’t, that you didn’t think it was a worth it.”

“No, I…” Eddie pressed several harsh and quick kisses over Richie’s face, then one more lingering one of his lips. “We’ll figure something out.” 

So, Richie gave Eddie the only response to that he had. He kissed him. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter warnings: vague mentions of (past) sex, drug use, f slur, semi-graphic depictions of violence, aggressive violence language/threats. [aka richie tozier and the terrible awful no good day.]

Richie’s hand came out suddenly, grabbing the top of Eddie’s copy of  _ Misery,  _ and yanked it from his hand. Eddie made an annoyed gasp, watching in horror as Richie closed the book without bothering to mark the page and tossed it away onto the floor. Eddie stared at him, gaping, until Richie grinned wolfishly at him.

“It’s summer, Eds.” Richie said in a  _ duh  _ sort of voice. “You don’t need to be reading. We don’t have any homework.”

Eddie let out a loud scoff. “I could be reading before the simple fact that I  _ enjoy  _ reading, Richard. Did it ever occur to you that sometimes people enjoy reading?”

Richie rolled his eyes. “Yeah, for nerds like Ben or horror humpers like William.”

Eddie hummed non-committedly. Even if Richie was the one to first bring it up just now, talking about Bill still seemed to be a sore spot for Richie. Eddie wasn’t entirely sure just how much Richie knew about what went down at the lake house while they’d be hidden up in their shared room, but it was obvious that Richie at least suspected something. It was written all over his face with the level of bitterness that settled on his features whenever Bill was brought up in conversation.

“Come on, Eddie.” Richie poked at Eddie’s side, seemingly anxious to turn the conversation away from Bill before it turned into anything.”I doubt you came over here just to read books.” 

“Well, what do you propose we do, Richie?” Eddie asked, raised one eyebrow and knowing that he was giving off a smirk. Richie matched the smirk. “It’s way to hot to go anywhere without these fans. We’d die and my stupid lungs can’t handle the humidity so what do you-”

Eddie’s rant was cut off by Richie’s lips sealing over his. Softly and only for a moment, when he pulled back Eddie took in a short breath and his eyes fluttered open and shut for a short moment. “Okay, yeah… that’s not… We can do that, that’s better than reading. Definitely better.”

“I’m never going to let you forget you said that,” Richie snickered, before sliding a hand into Eddie’s hair and rolling on top of him. Eddie met him halfway up, sealing their lips together a little messily. Richie rolled slightly over top of him, pressing Eddie down against the mattress. Eddie let out a surprised noise against Richie’s mouth, reaching his hands out to cup at Richie’s hips. He squeezed to the bits of flesh there, suddenly thrown back to the night at the lake house. 

Walking swiftly into the house and up the stairs… stumbling into the room… connecting at the lips again… falling on the bed in their wet clothes. Richie had kissed him just like this then, too. Eddie didn’t particularly have any experience here, but he supposed that Richie was good. Good enough that Eddie couldn’t really feel his toes, and his stomach went wild. He’s remembering now, Richie dropping away from his lips with teary eyes. Voice breaking as he says that he can’t do this to Beverly, it’s too soon, she’s too sad. 

Richie isn’t pulling away now, pressed up against Eddie everywhere. His lips slid from Eddie’s, but he took it with stride. He kissed Eddie’s cheek twice before moving slowly down Eddie’s neck. Eddie let out a small, completely involuntary breathy noise and he felt Richie chuckle against him. Eddie’s body was so hot, and a little prickle of panic suddenly but fiercely settled in his gut. “Richie.” Eddie pushed at his friend’s shoulder, squirming underneath him. Richie pulled back, blinking at him. “I don’t want to have sex.”

Richie pulled back completely now, sitting up and straddling Eddie’s hips. The expression on his face was mostly confused, but there was something darker behind his eyes. “I guess it’s a good thing we’re not  _ having  _ sex then, Eds. Unless you think sex is th-”

“Shut up, you fucking asshole!” Eddie felt a sudden rush of anger through him and he slapped at Richie’s knees. “Fuck you, don’t make me fun of me! I just don’t want to have sex with you!”

It was the wrong thing to say, Eddie knew it the moment he watched every inch of amusement drip from Richie’s face. Richie’s eyebrows furrowed in and he frowned. Eddie’s heart picked back up to an almost brutal beating pace, and not from the same reasons as before. 

“What, like?” Richie’s voice cracked awkwardly, and moved to roll off of Eddie’s lap. “With me  _ specifically?”  _

Eddie grabbed at Richie’s hips, trying to hold him into his lap. He failed and felt cold all over as Richie rolled off the bed to stand, glaring down at Eddie. “That’s not what I meant,” Eddie said meekly, starting to wring his hands. “It’s just… I wanted to make it clear that I didn’t… I know you and Bev had sex all the time and-”

“Oh, yeah?” Richie snapped, voice tight with tension. “And who told you that?  _ Stanley?” _

“N-no,” Eddie stammered even though, yeah, it was mostly Stan who made the comments like that. “I just assumed that-”

“That what? Obviously I’m some sex freak and that’s what I’m thinking about all the time?” Richie shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. “God, Eddie. I wasn’t trying to  _ fuck you.”  _

Eddie couldn’t help but wince at harsh language. “I don’t know why you’re so pissed!” Eddie sat up straighter on the bed and tried to put on a serious face. “You’re overreacting. I just know that you aren’t a virgin and I figured I should make it clear that I didn’t want to have sex because-”

“Because me not being a virgin clearly means I want to get all up inside you the first chance I get, even though we’ve kissed like three times ever because I’m some stupid sex-crazed devinant, right? That’s what everybody thinks.” Richie shook his head, jaw clenched so tightly Eddie was a little afraid he was going to break his teeth. “Fuck you, Eddie. I thought you were different.” 

“I didn’t say anything like that!” Eddie cried, tossing his hands in the air. “You’re the only one saying those things, Richie, okay? I don’t think that. I don’t. I just wanted to make it clear that I’m not ready for that, if you wanted to or whatever.”

“God, this is such bullshit.” Richie tugged at his black curls and shook his head. “I don’t… I don’t even know if I care about sex, you know? It’s just… I’m not even sure I  _ like…”  _

Richie trailed off and let out a frustrated huff of breath.  He turned away from Eddie and grabbed his keys off the desk behind him. Eddie’s heart plummeted. “I don’t want to talk about this. I’ll just take you home.”

Eddie grabbed at Richie’s bedspread, as though Richie was about to grab him by the ankles and drag him off. “I don’t want to leave.” Eddie said, knowing how sad his voice sounded. Richie seemed to freeze, then turned to look at Eddie with the kind of conflicted expression that Eddie wasn’t sure he’d ever seen on Richie. “We don’t have to talk about it. We can watch that stupid weed movie you’re always trying to make me sit through!”

For a moment, Eddie thought he’d won. Richie lowered his keys back down to the desk and his shoulders slumped. He looked over to Eddie, like maybe he was about to speak, but loud crashing from downstairs cut through the moment. The loud crash was followed up by an overly loud, girlish giggle and Eddie watched Richie’s face pale. 

“Rich…” Eddie shifted, pressing his hands nervously into his own thighs. Digging his nails into the skin there. Richie shook his head slowly, not meeting Eddie’s gaze, before leaving his room. Closing the door behind. Eddie stared at it, and gave a single, shaky breath. 

Richie took the stairs four at a time, nearly tripping over his own feet and sprawling out at the bottom. He stumbled to catch his footing. When he straightened up, he was staring up at his father and the woman who was helping him ruin his family. Richie felt like his body was reaching a boiling point. “Fuck you.” Richie said, his voice coming out much more broken than he’d planned on it sounding. “You fucking lied to me. How could you?”

“Son…” Went reached for Richie, causing the teen to stumble backwards and crash against the stairway railing. Richie shook his head hard enough that he was sure his brain was bouncing against his skull. “Rich, please.”

“No!” Richie cried, stumbling towards the front door and knuckling at the tears that had built up in his eyes. “ _Fuck_ _you_.” Richie stared at his father for another moment, trying to find something intelligent to say, but ends up settling on another, slightly quieter “fuck you.”

Richie rushed out of the house at an almost aggressive run. He didn’t think about his father calling after him, or of Eddie sitting up in his room waiting for him to come back. Richie was  _ never  _ going back. He’d keep running forward until he expired on the asphalt. It’s a bit of an ambition expectation, Richie knows, but at that moment he couldn’t imagine ever turning around and going back to his life. And it wasn’t as though he had anywhere else to go. He hadn’t had the nerve to face Stanley since walking in on his father for the first time, and he’d as good as lost Beverly and Bill forever. 

Richie wasn’t sure how many times he’d circled his neighbourhood, but he eventually ran out of steam and stumbled into the park. It’s surprisingly quiet for a summer day, prompting Richie to dimly wonder how late in the evening it had gotten. He could have been running any amount of time from twenty minutes to several hours. He didn’t really know. 

He glanced around, checking one more that there was nobody around, before fishing out the little plastic baggy and lighter from the pockets of his shorts. After that, time seemed to slip into nothing. No time passed, no time seemed to have ever existed. At some point he had slipped off the swing and was lying on his back in the sandbox. The sun had gone down. Eddie was probably never going to speak to him again. Which was fine because his parents were going to break up, and his ma would move them in with his grandparents anyway so. It must be for the best. 

Richie attempted to stand up, the entire world spinning with the effort, and he gripped at the metal bars of the swingset to pulled himself up right. He had to go home, if he could make it there. If he could even figure out where that was. Taking a stumbling step, Richie’s brain allowed him one moment to wonder if maybe that weed had been a little bit  _ too  _ funky, before it fogged over again. 

“Well, well, well…” A wolfy-voice cut through the dark night, and Richie tensed his shoulders up around his ears. As if this day hadn’t been shitty enough.. It’s also going to end up being the dead he fucking dies, too, apparently. Patrick Hockstetter was whistling as he came into view under the moonlight, still dressed up completely in leather jacket, black jeans and combat boots during the summer. Richie swayed on the spot, knowing he should run away but he’d supposed his body had max out on running for the day so he was just going to stand here and get himself killed instead.

“It must be fate,” Hockstetter said, finally reaching into Richie’s personal space. His hand came out and grabbed at the side of Richie’s head. He shook Richie’s head, causing Richie’s neck to make a sick sounding cracking noise and Richie let out a pitiful whine. Hockstetter grinned at him murderously and Richie had to swallow back bile that rose up in his throat. “Meeting here. I was just thinking about you. About how you’ve embarrassed me, for the last time.”

“You embarrass yourself,” Richie shot out, brain completely disconnected to the rest of his body. Brain screaming at him not to be an idiot, but unable to stop himself. The fist colliding with the side of his face didn’t come as any surprise, and the only reason Richie was still on his feet was because Hockstetter was still holding his face in his non-punching hand. Richie flopped against him, having no other choice. 

“What did I just fucking tell you?” Hockstetter hissed at him, breath reeking of Jack Daniels and something else. Something deeper. Maybe it was what evil smelt like. Richie couldn’t hold back the gagging noise that left him, and Hockstetter shoved him to the ground. 

Richie groaned, thankful that they’d been standing in the grass rather than the parking lot as his head whacked against the ground. He rubbed at this skull, feeling Hockstetter dropping down on top of him.

“Mouthy fucking faggot.” Hockstetter backhanded Richie like an overweight man in the 1950s family show that was still pretending that hitting their wives wasn’t abuse- and Richie was the wife. He let out a stunned noise, even having had a beating from Hockstetter or any of the Bowers gang that felt so personal. “I should kill you.”

“Do it. Bitch.” Richie said through a mouth that was rapidly filling with blood. Hockstetter’s hand made its way around Richie’s throat, shoving him deeper into the dirt. It was a blessing really. He couldn’t speak while Hockstetter was crushing his windpipe. Painful, but better in the long run if Richie really wanted to think on it. Thinking was hard, of course, with his weed-heavy brain that only seemed to be getting foggier back the moment.

“It would be so fucking easy.” Hockstetter leaned in closer to him, words sounding like they were coming through water to Richie’s ears. Richie closed his eyes, too difficult to hold them open all the time. Weed always made Richie tired, in times of stress he’d use it to sleep. He was just sleepy, that was all. Maybe Hockstetter was still talking, but if it was important, he could tell Richie when he woke up. 

Suddenly the pressure around Richie’s throat was gone, as was the weight on his stomach. Richie let out a cough so rough it felt as though it was ripping his lung right out of his body. He heaved on the ground, eyes still squeezed shut, for a moment. When he opened his eyes, everything seemed completely dark until his eyes adjusted. 

Standing above him was Stanley Uris with wide panicked eyes, breathing laboured, dressed head to toe in his baseball uniform with his bat held loosely in his grip. Hockstetter was laying a few inches away, on his side and not moving. 

“Shit.” Richie breathed out, wincing at how much it ached to speak. He rubbed lightly at his throat as he moved to sit up, ignoring how the world spun around. “Stan you fucking killed him.”

Stan jerked to look at Richie, shifting his bat to one hand and helping pull Richie up to his feet. Richie stumbled and ended up leaning on Stan more than he’d intended. “He’s not dead. I don’t think.” Stan said, glancing down at Patrick’s non-moving body. There was obvious panic on Stan’s face, even in the dark of the night around them. “And if he is…” Stan shrugged one shoulder. “He was killing you. What else was I supposed to do?”

Richie leaned against Stan completely, dropping his head onto Stan’s shoulder. “I love you, man.” The sentiment wasn’t lessened by Richie’s limited ability to speak clearly, and Stan squeezed at Richie’s back.

“I love you, too.” Stan said softly. “Let’s get you home. Because if he’s not dead, we don’t want to be here when he wakes up.”

 

Stan helped Richie get into his bedroom via the window, both knowing that Richie couldn’t walk in the front door looking like he did if he wanted to just get into his room and be alone. Richie crawled across the desk under his window sill, and barely noticed Eddie sitting up in his bed, reading the book from earlier with the dim light from Richie’s bedside lamp. He closed the book immediately, showing no regard for the page he was on.

“What are you still doing here?” Richie whispered, because whispering made his voice sound less terrible. 

“I was waiting for you.” Eddie whispered back, a little bit louder than Richie was speaking. “I heard you yelling at your dad, and I wanted to make sure that you were okay.”

Richie sighed, then winced. His hand moved to cup his throat, that was hot to the touch. He watched Eddie’s face dropped, seemingly getting a good look at Richie for the first time. Eddie was jumping to his feet, Richie cracking into a smile when noticed that Eddie had changed out of his day clothes and was wearing only his boxers and one of Richie’s big graphic T-shirts. Eddie moved to stand in front of Richie, cupping his face with both hands. It was so different from how Hockstetter had grabbed him earlier that Richie hadn’t been able to stop himself from tearing up.

Eddie hand dropped down and touched what Richie supposed were rapidly growing bruises around his neck, and Richie let out a whimper at the soft touch that still hurt. “Holy fuck…” Eddie breathed out, mouth gaped open. “What the  _ fuck.  _ Richie. Who did this to you?”

“Look at it, Eds.” Richie whispered, reaching a hand up to wrap around Eddie’s wirst. He didn’t pull his hand away, just stroked his thumb across the skin. “You know who did it.” 

Eddie bottom lip trembled, and he rubbed his thumb along Richie’s bottom lip. It wasn’t busted open this time, but this was so much worse. This was something that made Eddie’s stomach bubble with anxiety. He shook his head, tears dripping down and fell forward. Richie wrapped his arms around him, relishing in it. 

“It’s okay,” Richie said in his rough, broken voice. “I’m okay. I’m going to figure something out. I promise.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hiiiii i KNOW i need to update Semi Charmed Life but the next chapter is really....... perplexing me and is very hard so have some more SCL!Reddie while you wait. thank u for your patience. 
> 
> also hi this is going to be 8 chapters now instead of 7 if thats cool.

Richie woke up to the feeling of something touching his neck. He thrashed before being brought back into reality. Eddie stared down at him with wide eyes, hand outstretched and grazing against what Richie assumed were dark, terrible bruises all around his throat. Richie swallowed and was thrilled that it hurt less than the night before.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Eddie asked him in a gentle voice, his fingers rubbing gently against the bruises. He could feel Richie’s pulse racing under his fingertips.

“No.” Richie said shortly, looking over Eddie’s face and sighing. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”

Eddie’s eyes rolled over Richie’s face and he leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. Eddie kept his hands gentle and light on Richie’s waist, constantly reminding himself not to cup Richie’s neck as he’d started doing when they kissed. 

This time it was Eddie who swung a leg over Richie’s hips and settled on top of him. His kisses grew faster and more aggressive, hands trailing up to rest on Richie’s chest. Richie let out a shaky breath, pulling slightly on Eddie’s soft hair. “Eddie...” He said, massaging his fingers against Eddie’s scalp. His voice was still a little gravely and Eddie pulled back to smile at him. “We do... we need to talk about this.”

Panic rushed through Eddie’s chest and he grabbed at Richie’s face, slamming their lips together again. Richie let out a startled noise under him, kissing Eddie back, though a little halfheartedly this time around. Eddie’s stomach sunk and he was just starting to pull back when he heard the door to Richie’s bedroom creaking open.

Eddie launched himself away, rolling to the furthest corner of Richie’s bed, and curling into himself before the door open all the way. “Richie...” Maggie started speaking as she came in, pausing and smiling at the bed. “Oh, hi Eddie. I didn’t know you slept over last night.”

“Hi.” Eddie squeaked, knowing that it face was burning red and praying that Maggie couldn’t see him from where he was hidden under Richie’s blanket.

There was stiff silence in the room, and Eddie wanted to die. Had Maggie seen? Did she know? Had they blown it all?

“Richie, honey.” Maggie said, sounding nervous. If Eddie hadn’t had his head suffered under the blankets, he would’ve seen how Maggie was ringing her hands. “Can you come downstairs? Your father and I wanted to talk to you.”

Eddie could feel the stress radiating off Richie as he rolled out of the bed. Eddie winced as he heard Maggie’s horrified gasp. “Oh my god,  _ baby _ . What happened to you?”

Maggie cupped her son’s bruised and swollen face, suddenly realizing all at once how she had to look up at him. She’d blinked and her baby boy had grown up, and it looked very much like somebody had done something terrible to him.

“Nothin’, Mommy.” Richie pulled away from her touch, and rubbed slightly at the grip marks on his windpipe. “Let’s go talk to Dad, and uh.” Richie swallowed harshly, and looked deeply at his mother’s face. “I’m... sorry.”

Maggie patted Richie cheek lightly. “Don’t apologize, sweetie. It’s not on you.”

Richie nodded tearfully, and wrapped an arm around his mom as they walked from the bedroom. As soon as the door closed, Eddie gathered up his things and took off out the window.

Went’s reaction as Richie came into the kitchen was the same as his mother’s upstairs, moving forward quickly towards his son. This time, Richie stepped away and turned his face to the ground. He dropped into the kitchen table. “So, what are we doing?”

Maggie and Went glanced at each other, then took seats across from their son. “Eliina is over at her friends house. We wanted to have this conversation with you first, alone.” Maggie said. “Elii is too young to understand, and this is something we need to talk out with you, honey.”

“I want to start out with apologizing to you.” Went said, dropping his hand on top of Richie’s on the kitchen table. “It was unfair of me to ask you to keep this secret. None of this should have ever happened, I know how bad this all must have been but the worst thing I’ve done in my life was ask you to keep this from your mother. It was beyond a unfair expectation and you didn’t deserve that son. You’re a good kid, Richard, and I took advantage of that. I will never be more ashamed of anything.”

“Thank you.” Richie said stiffly, nodding at his father and forcing a smile. As mad as he was, as mad as he’d been this whole time, he loved his father deeply and was willing to drop it. “So... what are we doing.”

“I’m moving back in with my parents, at least for a while.” Maggie admitted. “I don’t know for how long, your father and I still need to decide what we’re going to do with our marriage.”

“You’re not getting divorced?” Richie asked, narrowing his eyes between them.

“We haven’t decided yet.” Went said solemnly. “There’s a lot of things we need to talk about. We’ve agreed that it’s best if your mom leaves for awhile.”

“I’m taking Eliina with me.” Maggie continued, speaking to Richie as though he were a five year old being put on time out. “But we think, since you’re older and you’re in high school that we’ll put this up to you. If you want to come with your sister and I to Castle Rock, then we’ll head down to the school and get all your transfers. But if you want to stay here, with your friends and your school, then you can stay here with your father.”

Richie looked slowly between his parents, mouth half open. “Are you serious? I can decide to stay if I want?”

Maggie looked skeptically at her son’s broken, battered face. “That was what we agreed on but, Richie, honey... if there’s something going on here, if you’re in some kind of trouble, you need to tell us.”

Richie swallowed, drumming his fingers on the kitchen table.  _ Was  _ he in trouble? He thought of Patrick’s arms around his throat, Stan with his bat in the moonlight, Patrick not moving on the park ground. Lesser, he thought of Beverly who he’d hurt so bad, and Bill who’d done something he could never take back and couldn’t even look at him for it. Derry held nothing for him. He could get just as good an education in Castle Rock, a better one if he was being honest. His childhood tormentors would be good from his life, he wouldn’t have to face his old friends ever again.

Then he thought of Eddie, their lips together and Eddie’s hands on his throat instead. Eddie’s hands in his hair, and he didn’t know if he could leave Eddie. But was this thing with Eddie what Richie thought it was? Eddie was so quick to shut him down every time Richie tried to talk about what they were, and was even quicker to run off and cut him off whenever things got heavy. And for Richie, things were really fucking heavy right now.

“Do I...” Richie asked. “Do I need to answer you now? Can I think about it?”

“Of course, Richie.” Went said. “But we do need to know soon, if you’re going to leave with your mother, you need to get everything with school in order.”

Richie nodded, unsure of what to say when a loud banging came at the front door. Richie startled, nerves shooting up his back. The Tozier family all looked at one another before standing and walking over to the front door.

Wentworth pulled it open and found himself face to face with Deputy Meyers. “Good day, Mr Tozier.” Deputy Meyers said, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. He was a new recruit, and this was clearly his first house call. “Is... is your son home?”

Richie squeezed his eyes shut, his parents both turning to look at him. Richie sighed sadly and stepped past them. “Yeah. Let’s go.” Richie held his hands out, eyes still closed.

“I..” Deputy Meyers looked awkwardly between Richie and his parents, clenching his hands around the cuffs. “I don’t think we need to put the cuffs on Richard. Sheriff can talk to you down at the station about everything. I’m not sure if you’re under arrest, or what...”

“It’s fine.” Richie said, biting the inside of his cheek. “I know why he wants me. Let’s go.”

“Okay, fine. We’re going then.” Went said, patting at Richie’s shoulder and ushering him down the steps.

“Dad, you don’t have to come. Honestly.” Richie whispered to his father as they moved towards the cruiser.

“Legally, I do.” Went said. “This is obviously about whatever happened to you last night and no cop is questioning my son without me present.  _ Especially  _ not a word twisting bastard like Butch Bowers.”

Richie felt a rush of affection run through him towards his father, leaning closer into the his father’s firm shoulder touch. The entire ride down to the station was silent, Deputy Meyers’ hands shaking on the wheel and Richie leaning against his father, trying not cry. They were ushered into the Sheriff’s main office the moment they arrived, Butch Bowers breaking into deep smirk at the sight of them.

“Tozier, you look about as good as I imagined you would.” Butch said, signalling for Richie and his father to take seats. “Richard, you’re not in trouble. This is merely a formality. I assume you both know what happened to Patrick Hockstetter last night.”

Richie shifted in his seat, squeezing his thighs together on his hands. “No.” Richie said quickly. “I have no idea. Tell me about it.”

Butch gave him a dark look. “Take a deep breath, Richard. Your ass isn’t on the line for murder. Hockstetter will live.” Richie exhaled hard, before remembering that he was supposed to be holding onto a poker face. “I wouldn’t even bother following up on this, if Hockstetter’s parents hadn’t been so insistent. So, just tell me who hit Hockstetter and what they got ‘em with, and you can go.”

“It was me.” Richie said immediately. “It was me, in the park, with a candle stick.”

Went closed his eyes and shook his head slightly. Butch narrowed his eyes. “Don’t sass me boy. We all know it wasn’t you. It’s really hard to hit somebody up side the head while their hands are squeezin’ the life outta your throat.”

Richie brought a hand up to touch his bruises.

“Just tell me which one of your delinquent friends did it.” Butch said. “I’ll go easy on them. They didn’t kill no body. Hockstetter has needed his bell rung for years. He got what was coming to him, we both know that. I’m only taking legal actions because I have to. It won’t be that bad. Promise.”

Butch Bowers was a slimy bastard, Richie knew that. He stared him down, hands shaking. “And I already told you. It was me.”

“Richard.” Went said lowly, warningly.

“Was it the Denbrough boy? I could see him snapping. Lost losing control.” Butch leaned forward on the desk, getting closer to Richie’s face. Richie’s heart raced. “The Marsh girl? She looks like she could take down a grown man if she had the chance. Will Hanlon’s son? I wouldn’t put it past a n-”

“I already said it was me!” Richie cried, rage piercing through him. His fists clenched. “If you aren’t going to do anything about it, then can we leave? I’m not telling you anything else. It was me. I did it. Nobody else was there.”

Butch shook his head. “You don’t have to tell me. I’m going to find out. And when I do, your little friend- whoever they are- are going down. And so are you.”

“Are you threatening me, sir?” Richie asked lightly, giving Butch a blank expression. Tension filled the room,but Went pressed his hand into Richie’s shoulder.

“If you aren’t pressing charges against my son, a clear  _ victim  _ of violence, then we’ll just be leaving now, Oscar.” Went told his son’s arm and pulled him to his feet. They both hesitated, waiting for Butch’s scheme. Waiting to be stopped.

Butch Bowers smiled. “I’ll be seeing you.”

“Yeah.” Went agreed. “When I press charges against that Hockstetter bastard for what he did to my son. You’ll be seeing us real soon.” 

Went pushed Richie from the office.

 

Eddie looked up at the knock on his bedroom door, slowly closing the cover of  _ Misery.  _ His mother never knocked, and neither did any of his friends. He couldn’t remember anybody ever knocking on his bedroom door before. “Come on.”

Richie shuffled in, shoulder hunched up around his neck and wringing his hands. “Hey. I need to talk to you.” Richie said, swaying on the spot before coming forward and sitting in front of Eddie.

“Okay.” Eddie said, licking his lips awkwardly.

Richie cupped the side of Eddie’s cheek, and leaned in to kiss him softly. Eddie kissed him back for a moment, before pulling back and smiling sadly. “We shouldn’t do that here. Your parents almost caught us this morning.”

Richie smiled blandly. “Yeah, that’s sort of what I wanted to talk to you about. My parents are splitting up. That’s what they told me this morning.”

Eddie reached out quickly and grabbed Richie’s hands, pulling them forward into his own lap. “Oh my God, Richie, I’m so sorry.  Are you okay?”

“My mom is moving back to Castle Rock, with my sister.” Richie carried on. “They said that I can choose if I want to go or if I want to stay.”

Eddie looked at Richie for a long, quiet moment. There was a deep emotion on his face, something deep and raw in his eyes. Eddie swallowed hard, jaw clenching and unclenching. “Okay. What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know,” Richie said, mouth a little dry. “There’s a lot of reasons to go.  _ A lot.  _ But maybe...” Richie flipped their hands over so that Richie could tangle their fingers together. “Maybe there’s a reason to stay that’s more important than all the reasons to leave.”

Eddie stared at Richie, eyes getting a little teary. He shook his head slowly, chest starting to heave slightly with harsh breaths.

“But I need to know what I’d be staying for.” Richie said. “Because I think this... this could be something real, Eds. It could be. But I can’t be the only one who thinks that.”

Eddie bit his lip, brow furrowing. “Rich...”

“So, I need you to tell me what you think this is.” Richie said, voice breaking slightly. “Because... this place fucking sucks and it’s terrible and you’re like... you’re like the best part. And I- I think know what this is. What I want it to be, what I think it could be. But I need to know you think that, too.”

“What do you want me to say?” Eddie croaked, squeezing Richie’s hands through a trembling body. “I don’t know what you want me to say!”

“Ask me to stay.” Richie said wetly, feeling like his throat might close up. “If you ask me, I’ll stay. I will stay right here with you, because I really want to be here with you but I can’t do that if this is a one-sided feeling.”

“It’s not one sided!” Eddie cried, tears starting to slip down his face. “It’s not, Richie. I... I don’t know what this is! How am I supposed to know? I don’t know! I can’t ask you to stay here for me, when... I don’t know if this is real!”

Richie’s face closed off and took his hands free from Eddie’s, smacking them on his thighs. “Okay. Thank you.” Richie said, nodding slowly. “Good talk.”

Richie stood up and Eddie scrambled to try to grab hold of Richie’s leg, letting out a pained noise. Richie tripped up and nearly collided with the bedroom door. Richie steadied himself and glanced over his shoulder. “Ask me to stay.”

Eddie let out a broken sob. “I  _ can’t.” _

Richie knocked his fist against the wall three times, then left.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well my loves, that's all she wrote here. I actually don't know what to do with myself know that this is over, I'm not ready to let go lmao. 
> 
> That being said, I am open to writing more about SCL!Reddie or ANYTHING in this universe. I also have stories invovling all the other characters, too. I've been thinking of writing out the first year Richie and Eddie lived in New York- but the story would be extremely angsty so please let me know if anybody would be interested in fully reading that! Thanks for following me through this story AND semi charmed life. You guys are the best!!

Eddie curled up in the long grass, ignoring how it tickled his nose and was probably going to make his allergies act up. Mike was kicking around the grass, doing some sort of farm chores that Eddie didn’t understand, then he stopped directly in front of Eddie’s face. Eddie glared at his boots, refusing to make the first break and actually tell Mike what was going on.

Eddie had shown up on Mike’s front porch at day break, knowing he looked like shit. He’d barely slept through the night the night before, only momentarily lapsing out of consciousness so his body could regain enough energy to wake up and cry some more.  He hadn’t been able to get the look on Richie’s face out of his head, even now.

“Okay, Eddie.” Mike said, dropping down in front of Eddie with crossed legs. His hand rested in his lap and gave his best friend a disapproving look. “I’ve let you mope around all morning. You’re going to have to tell me what’s wrong eventually.”

“No.” Eddie said grumpily. “I don’t have to tell you. I don’t have to say anything I don’t want to.”

“Okay, fine.” Mike said, lips twitching in a slight smile. “You don’t  _ have to  _ tell me. Obviously I can’t make you. But I think you might feel better if you do, and I might be able to help you.”

“You can’t help me!” Eddie jumped out of the borderline fetal position, sitting up rim straight and glaring at Mike. “Richie is going to move away! He’s going to  _ leave,  _ and I’m probably losing the person I’m  _ supposed  _ to spend the rest of my life with because I’m a big, stupid scared baby and you can’t help me because I already fucked everything up!”

Mike gaped at him for a moment, then frowned. “Okay, I missed something. Since when is Richie moving? And how did you get the idea that it’s your fault somehow?”

“Because it  _ is.”  _ Eddie cried, tears already starting to fill up in his eyes. He tried to knuckle them away, keep them at bay, but they were already there. “Richie caught his dad cheating on his mom, then his dad tried to get him to keep it secret but Went ended up telling Maggie, and Maggie-” Eddie hiccupped a harsh sob, and Mike reached out to rub at his back. “Maggie is going back to Castle Rock with Richie and Eliina.”

Mike wrapped an arm around Eddie’s shoulder, tugging him close to him. Eddie burst into messy tears for what felt like the hundredth time in 24 hours, burring his face against Mike and pressing as close to his best friend as he could get.

“I’m so sorry, Eddie.” Mike said softly, sounding truly wrecked with emotion that Eddie felt bad for making him feel. Mike rubbed his back. “But I’m not sure how you can think this is at all your fault. You didn’t make Mr Tozier cheat on Mrs Tozier.“

“No,” Eddie agreed in a wheeze. “But... Maggie t-told Richie he didn’t have to go to Castle Rock with her. That he c-c-could stay in Derry with his dad, if he wanted to. And he came to me and he asked me if I... if I...  _ wanted  _ him to stay.”

“That’s not a very fair question,” Mike said slowly, though he supposed he understood. Everybody knew how much Richie hated Derry, it only made sense that if Richie were to stay behind, it would’ve been  _ for  _ Eddie. “That’s a lot of pressure to put on you.”

Eddie pulled back, wiping at his eyes. “Richie, he... he lov- he likes me. And I... me too.” Eddie sniffed sadly. “But I really jerked him around a whole lot, because I don’t know if we can be together like that! I don’t want him to stay here if it isn’t going to work out and then everything falls to shit like with Bev! Maybe Richie should start over! It makes sense!”

Mike continued to rub soothingly between Eddie’s shoulder blades. “I don’t know what you two have been through the last month, but just from knowing  _ you,  _ I know it won’t be like Richie and Bev. You’re already putting Richie first, thinking about what would make him happy, where Bev couldn’t see how unhappy he was for months while they were together.”

“You know about that?” Eddie asked, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them.

Mike shrugged. “I don’t know about it in the sense that Richie ever told me anything, but I’ve known him long enough.  _ Something  _ was eating at him, whether it was wanting to be with you or just not wanting to be with Bev anymore, I don’t know. He’d never tell me, even if I asked. You’re the only person who’s ever really gotten Richie to open up, besides maybe Stanley.”

Eddie nodded sadly, unable to deny that truth. Not wanting to deny it either. He loved being the person who Richie trusted, could talk to.

Mike sighed. “It’s not fair that you’re in this situation, not this fast. It sucks to get tossed into something really serious if you’re not ready for it. You probably did the right thing telling Richie to go then.”

Eddie narrowed his eyes and sucked his bottom lip into his mouth. There were so many contradicting thoughts inside his head at the moment, and it really felt like Mike was baiting him to slip up. It was  _ true,  _ Richie would probably be much better off not in Derry. Richie Tozier was going to thrive in the outside world, he’d always known that. Who was Eddie to hold him back for a relationship he wasn’t even sure about? He’d made the right call.

“Okay,” Mike sighed with an eye roll, cupping Eddie’s shoulder. “Eddie, I need you to turn off your big brain. I’m going to ask you something and I don’t want you to think about it before answering. Just spit out exactly what your heart and your gut want to say.”

Eddie frowned, then nodded.

Mike nodded back. “Do you want Richie to leave?”

“No.” Eddie said, eyes blowing wide and smacking a hand over his mouth.

Mike smiled- a little sadly, a little wisely. Eddie thought for a moment that he looked like that a lot. “Then what are you doing here with me?”

“It’s too late.” Eddie sighed, shaking his head. “Maggie is taking Richie into the school today to grab all his stuff for the transfer. I’ve lost my chance, Mike. It’s over.”

“You haven’t lost anything!” Mike took Eddie by the shoulders and shook him slightly on the spot. “You know better than anybody what Tozier time is like! They’re not going to be there until like five minutes before the whole places closes up for the day and make sure the last thing Richie does is piss off the office staff!”

Eddie looked at Mike for a long moment, eyes guarded. Mike smiled at him.

“You could easily beat them there if you run.”

Eddie seemed to vibrate on the spot, before jumping to his feet and seemingly dashing through Mike’s fields. Mike laughed, feeling light.

 

Eddie out more than a little out of breath when he stumbled into the Derry High School parking lot. He could see the Tozier’s car pulling into the spot closest to the front door. Despite being tired and nearly ready to drop, Eddie mustered up what little adrenaline he had left inside him and sprinted towards them.

Richie was getting out of the passenger seat, Maggie was walking towards the front door. Eddie wasn’t going to make it, he was gonna miss this last chance, he-

“RICHIE!” Eddie screamed, nearly tripping over his own feet. Richie froze and whipped around, watching as Eddie stumbled to a stop about five feet away from him. Richie was staring at him, hands hovering out at his sides like part of him wanted to reach out, and Eddie swallowed roughly. “I was wrong.”

“You weren’t.” Richie said coolly. Maggie had turned away from the front door, looking between the two boys with an almost nervous expression on her face. “You weren’t wrong. I asked you what you thought, and you told me. That can’t be wrong.”

“It was wrong, though.” Eddie pleaded. He hated the way he could hear his voice break. “I was so wrong! I thought too much about it, and my stupid nerves got the better of me and I should have just answered you with what I felt! What I... What I feel...”

Eddie took two steps closer to Richie, reaching his hands out. An expression filtered across Richie’s face but he made no move forward, didn’t attempt to reach out. Eddie took a deep breath and pulled up every inch of bravery he had in his body.

“I’m not brave like you.” Eddie said slowly. “I don’t know how you keep putting yourself out there for me to let you down again. Hell, for anybody to let you down. I have absolutely no idea how you can be so open with me, to put everything in my hands when I could let you down.”

“I didn’t expect anything for you, Eds, I-” Richie said quietly, scratching nervously at the back of his neck.

Eddie closed his eyes and shook his head. “Let me finish please. I need to get this out.” The air around them was quiet for a second so Eddie took that as Richie’s agreement without having to open his eyes. “You’ve put yourself out there for me more than once. Laid it out on the line and put into my hands. And I’ve let you down every time. Then I build you up again to just let you down one more time. You deserve better than that.”

Eddie opened his eyes now. Richie was staring at him, biting hard into his bottom lip. Eddie took a step closer.

“You should go to Castle Rock.” Eddie said firmly. “You should go, you hate it. You’re not going to find what you’re looking for in life here in Derry. You deserve better than this town, you should go. Go find who you’re meant to be. Nobody would blame you. The world is bigger than this shitty town in Maine.”

Richie seemed to almost fight back rolling his eyes. “Eddie, thank you- but I didn’t need you to chase me down and tell me again that I-”

“Let me  _ finish.”  _ Eddie said firmly. “You should go, you should want to go. You deserve to go. But I... I don’t want you to go.”

Richie’s guarded expression seemed to twitch towards hopeful and Eddie’s heart soared.

“Whatever we have here, I think... you’re right.” Eddie nodded firmly, trying to fight back the tears that threatened to over take his voice. “It’s a real thing, I feel it everywhere. When I look at you, when I think about it.... even when I’m not thinking about you, it’s still a lingering piece inside of me. So yeah...” Eddie blinked back tears. “You should go, you should want to go.. but I don’t want you to go.”

Richie let out a rough noise from the back of his throat, seeming to sway on the spot in front of Eddie.

Eddie gave him a soft smile. “So, I guess... I guess I’m asking you to stay.”

Eddie....” Richie choked out, swaying more noticeably on the spot before launching himself forward. One hand cupped at Eddie’s cheek while the other reached out for Eddie’s waist, squeezing his hip. Eddie let out the smallest hint of a sob before Richie’s lips were crashing against his.

The kiss didn’t last long- or maybe it did, Eddie wasn’t sure he could grasp time right now- before Maggie was clearing her throat behind them. “Shit...” Richie whispered against Eddie’s lips, shifting his body so he nearly blocked Eddie entirely from Maggie’s sight. “Mom, I-”

But Maggie just smiled and shook her head. “I think we’ve done what needs to be done here, Rich. I’m going to head back to the house and get back to packing. You take the time you need. But we’re having potato salad with dinner.”

My favourite, Eddie thought to himself as he pressed his face against Richie’s shoulder.

“Yeah....” Richie said in a broken voice. “Thanks, Mom.”

“No need to thank.” Maggie went back to the car, getting in and pulling from the parking lot. Once she’d disappeared around the corner out of sight, Richie’s knees seemed to buckle and he sunk against Eddie. They both moved slowly towards the cement.

Eddie ran his fingers through Richie’s messy curls. They were slightly greasy, as though Richie hadn’t thought it was important to shower this morning. Couldn’t have been bothered.

“It’s okay,” Eddie kissed the top of Richie’s head, positioned almost completely in Richie’s lap. “It’s okay, it’s okay.”

Richie pulled back, tears on his cheeks, and took Eddie’s face in both his hands. He ran his thumb along Eddie’s jaw line, Eddie’s eyes falling shut. He leaned forward, biting his bottom lip. “We can’t be like this here... somebody could see. Somebody not like your mom.”

“The back portable.” Richie said roughly. “Mr Barton never remembers to lock it up when he’s done and he had the last period there before summer. It’s been unlocked this whole time, I’ve been using it to smoke and... we can...”

Eddie nodded quickly, pulling himself to his feet and tugging Richie up. He practically dragged his boyfriend-  _ boyfriend? boyfriend!-  _ through the yard until he pushed open the door to the back portable. He felt like he was on fire when he turned around to face Richie.

Richie crowded into his space immediately, kissing him almost roughly. Desperate in a way that it had never been before between them. Eddie, without breaking contact, pressing himself up on top of one of tables, wrapping both his arms and legs around Richie.

Richie pulled back, gasping. He leaned in and pressed his forehead against Eddie’s shoulder. “Fuck. We need to talk.”

“I wanna be together,” Eddie word-vomited. “Together for real. Boyfriends. I get we can’t tell everybody, or even anybody. Mike knows, but that’s okay. He’s okay with it, but I want- I need us to...”

Richie kissed him again, sliding back into their softer fashion. He pushed at Eddie’s ships so he could get up onto the table beside him. He took Eddie’s hands in his own, playing with the fingers. “I want to be together, too. Obviously. I made that clear.” Richie laughed awkwardly. “But I meant... We should talk about sex. I don’t think it went very well last time,”

Eddie’s stomach dropped. “You mean that fight? Ugh, Richie, I’m sorry. I just panicked and I didn’t mean any of those things the way they came out. I knew that you’ve had sex before, and I’m totally inexperienced and I wanted you to know I’m not ready.”

“I’m not ready, either.” Richie said firmly, lips tugging up into half a smile. “That’s what I was trying to tell you, too. I’m  _ so  _ not ready! I mean, I probably wasn’t ready when Bev and I started sleeping together, either, it just... we didn’t know that we weren’t ready. It was like,  _ oh we’ve been together a while this is the obvious next step  _ so we did it and it was...” Richie crinkled. “It sucked, and it kind of hurt actually, and I couldn’t look at her for like five days after we did it. I don’t want that to happen with you.”

Eddie nodded, and leaned in to kiss Richie’s cheek softly. “It won’t. We’ll wait until we’re ready. And if we’re never ready, then that’s okay, too. We’re not missing anything right now.”

Richie let go of Eddie’s hand, and took hold of his chin. He pulled Eddie in for a long kiss. Eddie hummed happily against Richie’s lips and squeezed his hand tightly.

“We have forever to figure it out.”

 


End file.
